Human Value....... An inspirational story

Dear Diary,

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up $100 bill.  In the room full of audience, he asked, "Who would like this $100 bill?" Everybody raised their hands.

He said, "I'm going to give this $100 to one of you but first, let me do this", and he crumpled up the bill.  He asked again, "Who still wants it?".  Still the hands were up in the air.

"Well", he replied, "What if I do this?"  and he dropped it on the ground and started grind it into the floor with his shoes.   He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.

"Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.  

A valuable lesson from this inspirational story is no matter what we do to the money, it will not decrease in value.  Same goes to our life.  We are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.

We feel as though as we are worthless.  But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose our value.

Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.  The worth of our life comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE.....

So, don't you ever forget - you are special!!!!

Signed off for now,

LOLA

Privacy and Secrecy between couple....

Dear Diary,

Do you think when you are in a relationship, both has the rights to privacy to do his/her necessities alone i.e. handphone, social network, etc? If privacy really exists, to what extent?

Issues of privacy or secrecy have affected almost everyone's intimate relationship, including my own. The issue may seems simple, yet in my personal experience, I know that the boundaries between privacy and secrecy can become very fuzzy. What is appropriately kept private? When does something held private become a secret? Where and when do the boundaries between privacy and secrecy blur? Why does someone hold a secret from their loved one, and how does it affect the relationship? 

The experts say that in an intimate relationship, a secret is a need, thought, feeling or action held by one partner, that if shared could negatively impart their partner and/or the relationship. On the other hand, an issue of privacy is one that concerns only the individual and does not in any way affect their partner or the relationship.

• Secrecy is destructive to a relationship and an individual's self-esteem, while privacy can create ego strength and be personally instructive. 
• Secrecy comes with guilt and fear, while privacy results in a stronger sense of self without guilt. 
• Secrecy is about control and destroys trust, while privacy does not.
• Secrets are often about additive behaviors, or old defense mechanisms, while privacy is more often about personal history, values, priorities, dreams and visions of the future.

The decision to withhold a secret, or to keep something private, is a choice reflecting our values and emotional maturity. Choosing to share a secret is a healthy and mature act, even though it may create conflict. Choosing to keep something private, is our right and privilege, however if we choose to share something personal, it has the possibility of deepening an intimacy.

Secrecy creates an illusion about what is real. If the illusion is maintained and the truth not revealed, trust will be broken. Trust is broken because tension or a state of anxiety, will be felt in the relationship leading to distrust. Trust is the foundation of all relationship. So when secrets are held - either by overt lying or by the "white lie" of omission - the relationship is undermined. Once a secret is discovered, trust is very hard to rebuild - if not impossible. As said by Sophocles " Do nothing secretly, for TIME sees and hears all things, and discloses all"........

However, respecting your partner's privacy is equal to respect as an individual. Hence, the privacy between the couple should be recognized as a civilized awareness and social upbringing. The most severe and ridiculous invasion is to demand the other person to disclose all things in the depth of their heart in the name of love. The couple who can be honored as the spiritual couple is the one who attach great important to the other’s free space in heart. For instance, they won’t ask for the disclosure of the others’ diary or personal letters.”

After reading all the articles pertaining to this issue, now I realised that the relationship between the couple is mutualism not parasitism. Namely, they aren’t the accessories of the other. Therefore, the individual in marriage should have their own space. The relationship of the couple should be built on the basis of mutual trust, mutual respect, mutual understanding, mutual communication, and mutual support. In the daily life, many couples don’t make sense of it and can’t reach consensus on the right way to communicate with the other sex, so one is just concealing things and looks mysterious, and the other one becomes inquisitive and doubtful all the time, which must result in a transformation from the normal and square relationship to a secretive one.

But then again, I strongly believe there is nothing more powerful and spiritual than a committed, honest and loving relationship.  When there are no secrets and trusts grow stronger and stronger, the intimate partners are able to support each other in their emotional and spiritual growth process.  A relationship with no secrets provides a secure foundation for both partners to face new challenges and grow together in a mutually enhancing way.

I'm just saying............................

Signed off for now,

LOLA

Never loose an opportunity....

Dear Diary,

A young man wished to marry a farmer's beautiful daughter.  Hence, he asked her father for her hand in marriage.  The farmer looked him over and said,"Son, go stand out in that field.  I'm going to release three bulls, one at a time.  If you can catch the tail of any one of the three bulls, I will allow you to marry my daughter."

The young man stood in the pasture awaiting for the first bull.  The barn door opened and out ran the biggest, meanest-looking bull he had ever seen.  It stood pawing the ground, grunting, slinging slobber as it eyed him.

He decided that one of the next bulls had to be a better choice than this one, so he ran over to the side and let the bull passed through the pasture out the back gate.

The barn door opened again.  Unbelievable! He had never seen anything so big and fierce in his life.  It stood pawing the ground, grunting, slinging slobber as it eyed him..  Whatever the next bull was like, it had to be a better choice than this one.  So, he ran to the fence and let the bull passed through the pasture, out the back gate.

The door opened the third time, a smile came across his face.  In front of him was the weakest, scrawniest little bull he had ever seen.  This one was his bull.  As the bull came running by, he positioned himself just right and jumped at the exact moment.  

He grabbed..... but the bull had no tail!!!!

Life is full of opportunities, some will be easy to take advantage of, some will be difficult....

But once we let them pass (often in hopes of something better), those opportunities may never again be available....

So, always grab the first opportunity.....

Signed off for now,

LOLA

Heart touching story.....A Second chance.....

Dear Diary,

It was their anniversary, and she was waiting for her husband to show up.  Things had changed since their marriage, the once cute couple who couldn't-live-without-each-other had turned sour and bitter.

Fighting over every little things, both didn't like the way things had changed.  Now, she was waiting to see if her husband remembered their wedding anniversary....

Just as the door bell rang, she ran to find her husband wet and smiling without anything on his hand.  And not a single word came from his mouth.  Perfect! Just perfect! He has forgotten about the anniversary again.... She just silently walked away to the kitchen with tears on her cheeks.

Suddenly, the phone in the kitchen rang and she went and picked it up.  There is a man on the other line. "Hello ma'am, I'm calling from the police station. I'm sorry ma'am, but there is an accident and a man died. We got this number from his wallet, and we need you to come and identify his body".  Her had sank and she was really devastated.  

"But my husband is here with me?"...  "Sorry ma'am, but the incident took place at 2pm, when he was boarding the train".  She was about to lose her conscience. How could this happen? She heard about the soul of the person coming to meet a love one before it leaves!

She ran into their master bedroom. He was not there.  It's true! It's really happened! He had left her for good!!  At that time, she really wished that things can be undone, that she get another chance to mend every little fight! She would do anything to get him back and tell him how much she love him and how much he meant to her..... Now she lost her chance forever.

Suddenly, there was a noise from the bathroom, the door opened and her husband came out and said "Darling, I forgot to tell you that my wallet got stolen today".....

LIFE MIGHT NOT GIVE YOU A SECOND CHANCE.... 

SO NEVER WASTE A MOMENT WHEN YOU CAN STILL MAKE UP FOR YOUR WRONGS!!!

No one is promised tomorrow.  So have a wonderful life with no regrets!

  

Signed off for now

LOLA

Unexplained Breakup?

Dear Diary,

A break-up can be hard, but an unexplained one can be ever harder.  You were left wondering what you have done, and whether it was your fault, or if there was anything you could have done to save the relationship.

It can be very hard and the worst thing is that you start thinking what went wrong, whose fault, etc, and sometimes you started blaming yourself or put sole responsibility to yourself. 

• Examine the relationship deeply for what may have gone wrong.  What make you and your partner unhappy?  What make your partner choose to break the relationship instead of trying to work things out first? 
• Maybe your partner has moved on or moving in into a new relationship. Maybe your partner has decided that enough is enough with your flirtatious attitude?
• If you partner says it's her/his fault, not yours, don't assume it is a lie.  Sometimes, it is really true.

You deserve an explanation at the very least.  So try to ask what really went wrong.  State that you should know the truth so you can learn and improve in the next relationship.  Don't use angry or accusatory language, please.  All relationships can teach you something and it is worth learning what things you should improve.  Nevertheless, if you don't get an answer, try to let it go.  It is not your fault you aren't getting an answer, just let it go as best as you can, and move on.

Don't blame yourself for what happened unless you can point to ways in which you were responsible.  You partner made the decision to mysteriously break-up.  You can only be responsible for decisions you make, not those of others. 

Hence, please avoid feeling sorry for yourself.  Try to work towards happiness again.  Many think that they won't love again, but trust me you will eventually find someone that worth your love.  So relax and let it happen in its own time.  

Just take your time and work through the pain, and you will come out on the other side, stronger and better.

Signed off for now
LOLA

Happy Monday....

Dear Diary,

Sorry for the long hiatus.  Besides being  busy with workloads, I think i have lost my words and energy to talk about anything.... Frankly, the break-up is really eating me up....

Well! Other than that, I wish you happy and fun Monday to everyone.....

Facts of life for today...........

Signed off for now,

LOLA

Can my heart finally heal?

Dear Diary,

I realized now that to heal my broken heart is harder than I thought.  It feel like being underwater when I need to breathe.  I build my live with him, someone that I trust and care for, and suddenly, in the blink of an eyes, everything is gone.  The only left is feeling sorrow, angry, heartache and questions like what am I going to do now, and what is my way forward, etc.

At the moment, all I can do is to give myself some ME time.  After being together almost 3 years, now is the time to take a step back, evaluate your life and move on to the next challenge.  "Everyone falls down, but it is how you get back up that defines you".....

I must say I still feel as though someone has ripped my heart out, stepped on it, and threw it away. And all these feeling multiply by 100.  That's how I feel right now. But people said it is normal to feel sad, and it's okay to cry or get upset.  Going through grief is just another step along the path to recovery.  So, i'm letting myself grieve.

In order to move on I need to remove all the memories of him from my everyday life.  It means, I have to remove everything that reminds me of him.  The key word is remove... not destroy.. At the same time, I think I have to disconnect my life with any social network, at least for the time being until I am completely heal.  Also, in order not to hurt my feeling further, I guess it is better not to see each other, otherwise things will go haywire.....

So, this is what I'm going to do for the time being....

Again, wish me luck!

Signed off for now

LOLA