Make up after a fight...

Dear Diary,

Last night we had a fight.  The funny thing is both can't remember what we were really  fighting about but we glad that we managed to made up before it became worse.  

I believe most couples have fights once in a while.  Sometimes I believe to have a fight with your partner make you more understanding with each other needs and worries as long as you know how to fight and make up in an open and healthy way.  

In order to ensure that the relationship succeed, both partners should have the ability to 'make up' after a fight, in an adult way rather that leave it to the inner selves. 

#1  Don't run out or go silent - Distancing is just a sign that one or both of you are not ready or don't want to make up yet.  However, you can use the 'time out' approach.  It just for a short time with a firm understanding that both of you will get together at the end of that period and resolve the issue. Remind him that your love is stronger than your pain.  

#2  Look beneath the argument - Identifying the root feeling can help you calm down and make up with your partner.  Maybe it is due inadequacy, fear of abandonment or feeling taken for granted.

#3  Good communication - Get to the core issue and helps him to understand your feeling without arguing about it. Talk in calm voice and listen to each other so both of you can ensure that the fight will not happen again.  Identify the ‘making up’ process clearly and verbally, by telling each other what you are feeling and what you want to happen between you that will feel like "making up". Don’t allow things to develop in an unspoken way by giving a kiss or a hug without saying ‘I’m ready to make up’ or something like that.  And don't you ever hold grudges with each other.

#4  Be responsible - If you can find a way to won to your part in the argument without trying to blame or wrong each other for it, it may open up a whole new dialogue. Accept your share of the responsibility for what happened.

#5  Be humble - Sometimes if you can apologize for something you did, it can disarm your partner and result in him apologizing as well.  Always remember, don't apologize for things you didn't do just so the fight will be over.  Be sincere, please.

#6  Let go of being right - Wanting to win an argument is the surest way to keep it going.  It's a sure no win situation and keeps you from truly connecting with your partner.  Would you rather be right or be happy?  

#7  Let your partner learn in his way - You can only control yourself and your own pace of learning.  Don't force him to see what the issue your way.  There is information in any argument for both of you, but it is not possible to make someone see things from your POV. Either he does, or does not.

• If you are holding out for an apology, and he isn't giving it, consider openly forgiving him anyway.  This kind of acceptance, if you don' t do it in a condescending way, might show that you accept his imperfection, which can help him be less defensive.  

#8  Appreciate your partner - Action that create positive feelings will help to sustain your relationship.  However, if you are still feeling down about the whole thing, start with yourself.  

#9  Set boundaries - If your argument has been a nasty one before, you may want to make an agreement with him about the boundaries and terms of your relationship.  Don’t score points or try to win by arguing from a rational position. Making up is about fixing what went wrong, not beating the other person.

#10  Learn from argument - If you keep repeating the same arguments, it is because in some ways you keep these issue going without realizing it. What can you learn from these issues?  Be realistic about the issue or fact you are fighting about.  

Remember, MAKE UP don't BREAK UP!

Signed off for now

LOLA

Are you dating a psycho?.... or Are you a psycho?

Dear Diary,

Here are the signs that the guy you are dating is a psycho:

#1  Extremely jealous - He will go to any length to force unreasonable faithfulness on you with a reason fear of losing you.  No matter how you tried to convince him, he will feel threatened with anything or anyone that comes near you.

#2  Control freak - He thinks that he knows what is best for you and deciding what you should or shouldn't. He will use a great deal of coercion and intimidation to force you into agreeing with him.

#3  Paranoid assumption - If any guy calls you (even if it is your boss, your colleague or maybe a relative) he loses it and goes into interrogation mode. Even if you were just slightly late getting home, he will go beserk.  He even gets angry every time you come near to another guy.

#4  Threaten to hurt or kill himself or you - When he is on the fact that you aren't happy with the relationship and thinking for a way out, he will take drastic action that will keep you around such as threats of bodily harm, to him or to you.  

#5  Get physical when arguing - He thinks it is perfectly fine to slap, kick, force or even use weapons against you when you say or do something they he dislike.  

#6  Stalking - He will do things like call or follow you when you are outside.  He might check your emails or mobile phone or even your wallet looking for so-called proof.  

#7  Emotionally unstable - His emotions keep fluctuate, like night and day and you can't tell the difference between the two.  He will often exhibit temper tantrums like getting loud or rude or sarcastic when having disagreement or argument.  He will make you feel like you are walking on eggshells or can't communicate with him without suffering his wrath every single time.

#8 Attention seeker - He cannot spend a single moment without talking to you.  He will furious or go crazy if you didn't pick up the calls or reply his message on time.  

Ultimately, this type of psycho has low level of self-esteem and self-confidence and consistently feels insecure.  His behaviour is so annoying and sometimes it can be so exhausting. These signs in time, can be unsafe for him as well as you. Hence, it is advisable to cut ties as soon as possible...

Signedoff for now

LOLA

To stalk or to be stalked....

Dear Diary,

When I was young (I'm still am, but not too young anymore), I was followed by a stalker while I was on the way to office.  Although I have had similar incidents numerous times, I just couldn't help feeling real scared all over again. He was staring at me and trying to keep up with my hurried pace.  Soon, I felt a tug on my arm and when I turned around, I found myself looking into a leering face of a short, old guy.  I was so scared and run away as fast as I could.  By the time I reached the office, I was badly shaken and traumatized.  

After confiding with colleagues about the incident and surfing on internet, I manage to get some some advice and guidance on how to tackle this 'stalker' issue.  This is what I got: 

• Ignore him completely, he will get bored and walk off.
• Carry pepper spray or chilli powder.  Use it when necessary.
• Don't try to lose the stalker by going down empty path, you will get in even more trouble.
• Make friends or walk alongside other ladies, even if you don't know them. Make sure there are other people around you.
• Tell people around you about his potential intention. You will be safer if a group of people know.
• Say your prayers. It works to turn luck in your favor.  Insya'allah you will be helped by the most unlikely of strangers or maybe the stalker will get distracted by something and leave.
• Shout so that everybody looks, but do not use any foul language.  Just tell the stalker in a very loud voice to stop following you and go away.
• Make a crying face or act helpless to the crowd, so the other guys will be a knight in shining armour and come to your defense.
• Otherwise keep a straight face, don't look scared or make silly expression.

Good luck!

Signed off for now

LOLA

   

Bounce back!!!!

Dear Diary,

I'm feeling ecstatic this morning.  If not due to my promise not to reveal my true identity in the cyber world particularly in this blog, I will definitely posted my appearance today.... I'm so red!  

I must say that I was a bit down yesterday when heard the news from my friends.  At first I was so stunned that it happened so quick.  I felt like being hit by a train... a bullet train..... But me being me... I bounced back fast...like a bullet train.

What topic I want to share with you today? How about how to bounce back? Well it doesn't matter bounce back from a failure, or maybe from a breakup.

I could not claim that I have really bounced back from my failure but I surely know that I have learnt some valuable lesson.  So, it is crucial to find a good ways to bounce back.  In other words, the past mistakes MUST NOT be repeated.  I want to share with you some of the tips:

Bounce back from a failure

#1  Slow and steady: Whatever you do, please don't be in a hurry unless you are in such desperate condition that if you cannot bounce back on time then you will be in jeopardy.  Because when you in a hurry, it is either you make more mistakes or you become frustrated when you don't see good result at a short time.

#2  Do you homework properly: No one dreams to be a loser in life.  Do your homework and try to analyze your mistakes.  Don't deceive yourself about it.  If you do so, then you will again end up in failing.  However, if you can learn from your mistakes, then there is chances that you can bounce back to success in life.

#3  Health is wealth: When we are young, we think that we will always be strong and healthy.  However, it slowly gets destroyed over the years. Hence getting back on your feet takes a lot of time and real determination.  Whatever plan you have in mind, in order to execute it, you need good health.  Take care of yourself as much as possible.

#4  Don't bother about others:  Most people love to give advice whether you asked it or not because they think it is their holy duty to give all kind of advice to you.  Also, certain people would enjoy you bad condition and would try to offend you emotionally.  While you cannot control others, you definitely get try to control yourself about not getting emotionally hurt.  When you can isolate yourself from other people, it becomes easier for you to focus on rebuilding your life again. 

#5  Be patient: You have to be patient and if you are not then you cannot hope to bounce back.  

Bounce back from a breakup

#1  Get a make over: There is nothing that can boost your confidence than a make over.  Get a new haircut, change dressing style, get a beauty treatment, go to a spa.  Trust me, pampering yourself can do wonders to your mind and body.

#2  Go shopping: There is nothing better than retail therapy. I have seen this technique working well especially when we are angry or depressed. 

#3   Find a hobby: Now it is the right time to pursue any hobbies that you have previously ignored due to lack or time or discouragement from your ex.  You can also learn new things and be self sufficient.  

#4  Bond with family and friends: They stands by you during thick and thin.  So if you have not been giving enough time and attention to them previously, it is time for you to spend more quality time with them and doing things you missed doing with them.

#5  Get a Pet:  If you like pets, get one and devote yourself looking after it. 

#6  Have fun: Be Single and Happy.  Go for coffee or dinner with friends.  Watch movies with family.  Go dancing with friends.  Do whatever you like and have fun! This would sure boost your confidence. 

#7  Go for a trip: Take a break and go for holiday.  

#8  Be healthy: Have a healthy and fit body and mind by getting into yoga, aerobic or even go for a walk because it would help to relax you and help you heal the wounds of your heart break. 

#9  Do charity and social work: Doing something positive for someone always can make one feel good.  It can make us realize how lucky and privileged we are.  While you are clearing the clutter of your previous relationship, why don't you give away things like mementos or clothes that reminded you of him.  

#10  Do something productive:  It is time to change yourself and devote some time to your career.  
   

Failure or breakups do happen.  It is the way you handle it makes all the difference.  The emotional trauma caused by it is almost always debilitating.  However, you need to move on to make room for good things to come to you.  Bounce!!!!!!

Signed off for now

LOLA

I'm sorry... you are just a rebound...

Dear Diary,

Have you been the dreaded rebound guy? The first poor guy who strikes her interest after she recently ended a long-term relationship.  Some of us have been into that situation and I believe that it was suck.  A bit of advice to my male friends, be very cautious when having relationship with freshly broken up woman. If you are not looking for a serious relationship then you have nothing to worry.  Because she is actually trick herself (well it's not really her faulty thoroughly) into thinking she is falling in love again and has forgotten all about the last guy.

Why did she fall for you at the first place?  It is easy.  Because you were there for her when she most need someone.  You helped her gain her self-esteem back.  You were always there for her, make her laugh and forget her problems.  But what happens when she gets over her broken heart and ready to take over the world or try the water out, or worse still, decides it's time to give her ex another chance because when it comes down to it, she never really got over him.

Then, you just realised that you were just the rebound guy.  Don't be too hard on yourself or her (it was destined to occur).  What is worse than being that guy? Knowing it was bound to happen (gut feeling) but still trying to make it work.

So realise this, unless you want to play basketball that you don't ever want to be the "rebound guy". 

Signed off for now

LOLA

How to Stop Loving Someone... How to Let him go...

Dear Diary,

It's hard to let go someone that you love with all your heart.  It definitely difficult to stop loving him, especially when you have been together for so long and you always believe he is your soulmate.  

But even though it is extremely hard, it is possible and the best way to deal with it are:

1.  Don't email, IM, call, SMS, or even say hi because it will open wounds that you are trying to close.  Don't even answer calls from him either.

2.  Tell him that it is over just to be sure so he doesn't still ponder on the idea and make a stupid decision to try to undo everything you have done.  If he broke up with you, then leave it.  Give him time he needs for himself and maybe you can be platonic friends in the future (but I  don't really suggest it).  Remember, relationship happen for a reason.  If you need to, just try and drift away.  It may be best for the both of you.  Even if your ex wants to be friends, it is really hard because it will bring up all those old memories of being together.  The easier way is to cut all ties if possible.

3.  Realise that you were not meant for each other, so the sooner you give up on him, you can find the guy who is. 

4.  Get rid of all memories of him no matter how hard it seems.  

5.  Know you can do it.  Once started, just keep on going.

6.  Don't close the book, just turn the page.  You have many potential soulmates and reminiscing about the past only means you are not happy with your own life, not because you are without a partner.

7.  Keep away from all the stuff or place that will remind you of him.

8. Stop mentioning his name.

9.  Organise as many things as possible in your diary.  The more you busy, the less time you will have to dwell on the past.  Make a list of all the things you have always wanted to do and do them. 

10.  If you still feel upset about the past relationship, try talking to someone you close to help along the process of getting over him.  

11. Try to meditate to clear your mind of what he looks like.

12.  Maybe it is about time for you to try to find a new suitor. However, don't go on the rebound and get with the first person you find.  You won't be happy and you will be comparing your new rebound partner to your last because you didn't have enough time to get over them and start afresh.

13. Do things or play sports/games that get your mind off of that person.  It might help a lot.

14. Sometimes you want to cry.  You may want him back but don't give in!  It will erase all of the progress you have made.  


15. Trust me, it is not easy as 123 to get over someone especially if it was real love but, if you can appreciate being alone, you will find a real long-term partner when you are not looking. 


16. Don't try to find out information about what he is up to or whether he has a new partner, etc.  It will make you look desperate and it will more than likely be reported back to your ex. And it will make it worse he has already move on and got a new girlfriend.  


17. Don't be to egotistical.  Accept his apologies but remember the pain that it caused.  It will keep you in a better position to think over the situation. 

Just remember, you don't need anyone else in you life to make you happy and spend some time with yourself will help you to appreciate yourself.

Signed off for now
LOLA

Giving up to be Happy.....

Dear Diary,

Don't freak out!  I'm not asking you to give up on someone.  It's just a list of things that if you give  up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much happier.  Ready? Here we go!

1. Give up your need to always be right.
2. Give up your need for control.
3. Give up on blame.
4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk - Remember the mind is a superb instrument if used rightly.  Used wrongly, however it becomes very destructive.
5. Give up your limiting belief - A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind.
6. Give up complaining.
7. Give up the luxury of criticism
8. Give up your need to impress others
9. Give up your resistance to change - Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.
10. Give up on label - The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don't know anything about.
11. Give up on your fear - The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.
12. Give up your excuses.
13. Give up the past.
14. Give up attachment.
15. Give up living your life to other people's expectation.

credit: Luminita Saviuc

Can you do that, please?

Signed off for now
LOLA