Aku yang tersakiti..................

Dear Diary,

Right now to I'm listening Judika "Aku yang tersakiti".  I always listen to that song whenever I feel down or sad.  I just can't sleep last night thinking about the decision I about to make, the decision that I have to make for the sake of us both.  

This morning I have finally made up my mind.  I have to wave my white flag to avoid further damage and withdraw from this relationship.  "Two is company, three is crowd", don't you think so?  

I believe I have not been lucky in love.  Yes, I have been blessed with some amazing moments with him, but somehow I found out that he didn't want what I wanted, he didn't feel what I felt, and most importantly is he didn't want to walk beside me into a future together.  He still stuck with his past life. 

Falling in love can be a slippery slope, no matter how many protective barriers we have built.  It can ease in like a light a mist that settles itself beautifully over your life, or it can blindside you.

Love is elastic. It can stretch and retract and change shape constantly.  One day you are over the moon, the next disillusioned. But remember elastic can break.  You can re-tie it, but there is now a knot.  Suddenly that perception is a little bit tainted. Sometimes we can recover from this, sometimes we just can't.

Loyalty and commitment teach us that we are not to walk away from people that we love.  Love without expectation.  But if your relationship is unbalanced and one of them is hurting, how much is enough? How many pieces are supposed to break and how damaged can we allow ourselves to get before we realise that this type of love isn't healthy?

Love and relationship require work and responsibility.  We have to learn when to stretch and when to break.  I feel happy but yet envious for those who have been blessed to find a romantic love that is equally shared.  Don't waste it!

Right now I felt the pain, and hope to recover from it.  I wish my heart to heal even though in a slow process.   There are things that I have learned about this relationship:

• If there is a feeling better than love, I have not felt it.
• Enjoy the good times together, be grateful of the memories because everything happens for a reason.
• Stay out of the future and in the moment.
• Protect both of our hearts, whether the love is still there or not.
• I'm broken, so beaten down and no energy left.  
• If the relationship starts to crumble, know when to put it down and let it be.
• Some things just won't work, no matter how badly I wish they would.  
• It is okay to walk away from something that hurts me. Because sometimes walking away is the only way to win.
• Not everyone, and not everything, is meant to stay.
• Sometimes you just need do your best and surrender the rest.
• What is right for me may be wrong for others, and vice versa.
• I am in control of one person; myself.
• Some people will refuse to accept you for who you are.
• Relationship can only exist on a steady foundation of truth.
• You can make decisions; or you can make excuses.

 "Love does not obey our expectations; it obeys our intentions".......

Signed off for now

LOLA

Thousand Apologies.......

Dear Diary,

Sorry that I love you, sorry that I care

Sorry that we've taken for granted the love that we share

Sorry for the heartache, sorry for the pain

Sorry for what you gave, if I didn't give back the same

Sorry for the waiting, sorry to waste your time

Sorry if I'm not worth it, you don't have to be mine

Sorry for mistaking something that I thought was true

Sorry if you don't understand why I do what I do

Sorry for my feelings if they are not enough

Sorry if we can't work through all this stuff

Sorry if you can't fit me into your life

Sorry if all I do is cause us to fight

Sorry if I'm cramping your life or getting in your way

Sorry if I don't say the things you want me to say

Sorry if I don't measure up to what you want me to be

Sorry if I can't be enough to make you just want me

Sorry for apologizing but I don't know what to do

Sorry if my dreams consist of me and you..... 

Signed off for now

LOLA

Just saying.........................

Dear Diary,

They said I'm easy to understand,
They said I'm a drama queen,
Coz I will laugh when I am happy,
I will cry when I am sad,
I will sulk when I am mad....

In reality,
Nobody understand me,
Sometimes I lied when I am mad,
Sometimes I cover my sadness with a smile,
Sometimes I pretend everything is fine when I feel hurt.....

Because I am a woman of few words....
Please read me between the lines,
Or try to look through my eyes,
Coz they are the window of my soul,
And it could never lies.......

Signed off for now
LOLA

Bad habits die hard.....

Dear Diary,

Everybody has his/her own habits, albeit good or bad.  I must confessed that  I have several  bad habits such as procrastination, overspending, but the worse is love to rummage people  belongings or secrets.  When I was young I loved to rummage my sisters belongings, searched for secrets that I can use against them.  Don't get me wrong! I love my sisters dearly and there is no way I would do any harm onto them.  I only use it on them for certain leverage like need to borrow their pretty awesome clothes, to join their outing/parties with friends, etc. 

Now, I am trying to refrain or at least minimize myself from doing it anymore. However, I still secretly rummage my children things like handphone or laptop for information.  Well, as a mother to two teenage sons, I believe it is my duty to ensure that they don't do something that will jeopardize their life or future.  

Other than that, I will only rummage for secrets when I feel vulnerable or threaten or even doubtful.  When I put my 100% confidence or trust to others, I expect them to do the same to me and will not by any chance betray my trust or confidence.  

I might love someone but it doesn't mean I trust the person until he has proved his innocent.  Besides, this is how I survive all these times, good and bad.  Because I will never tell him directly on how I feel, hence he has to read between the lines.  

Hence, my advice is if you are thinking putting other women's photos (especially with sexy pose) on your wallet or laptop and your other half finds out, please be prepared with a more concrete reason other that the pretext that he/she just someone that you vaguely knew or just a friend.  Come on! We are not in "Too Phat" era anymore.   And don't brush it off and pretend it never happen..... Have you ever heard "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" before?

Then again, I'm just saying......

Signed off for now

LOLA

What if.....................?

Dear Diary,

What if - Sephisis

What If?

What If I say I love you?

What will your reaction be?

Will you say you love me back?

Or there’s only friendship,

Between you and me?

What if I say I give you the moon? 

The sky, the stars, 

The earth, Neptune, Jupiter

Venus, Mercury and Mars

What if I give you a galaxy? 

With beautiful wonders, such as you

What if I give you that? 

Will you say you love me too?

What if I say I go to you?

Even if you’re in the other side of the world

I go anywhere, anytime

Even if I’m ninety years-old

I would cross the galaxy again and again

Just to know you love me back

That’s the most pure truth

And for me, huge fact

Maybe you don’t love me

And you just want to be my friend

But we’ll both see

What I’ll be in the end

 
Signed off for now
LOLA

Travel light and easy........

Dear Diary,

The last time I went abroad was in 2002 to Thailand due to work + pleasure purposes.  After that, I tried to refrain myself from going out.  Had a few opportunities offered but I turned them down as I hate to leave my children alone.  However, we did go for short vacation together in Malaysia.  Easier and affordable.  

I remember on my trip to Tokyo ages ago.  I practically packed everything and anything.  The trip was for 2 weeks and I have to endure around 3-4 hours journey from Narita Airport to another state.  With two bags in tow, I was so exhausted by the time I reached there.  And by the time I went home, I still have unused clothes and I had to buy a new luggage bag for the new items that I bought.

pic: google

Hence, over the years I have found ways how to pack light and what items are essential or useful.   Here we go:

Packing

• Pack as light as possible (use light backpack).  Ask yourself "Do I want it or really need it? If you are moving between places, backpacks leave your hands free.
• Pack just a few clothes with only a couple complimentary, solid colors (easy to mix and match). Black and brown are a good idea if you need to be able to dress up and be casual.  Pack only high-tech fabrics, that dry quickly.  Wear comfortable casual shoe and bring along sandal.
• Most toileteries can be found easily in your destination country.  Otherwise, downsize it. Pick up travel-size version of your favourite products whenever you see them, not just when you are getting ready to travel.  If you can't find miniatures, buy small plastic bottles and decant from larger products. 
• Bring sarong or pareo as it works as a towel, a skirt, a makeshift bag, a scarf, a sheet.  
• Bring disposable undergarments. Take baby wipes and lots of Ziploc bags.
• Photocopy your credit cards, passport and any valuable documents you have.  Keep the emergency phone number with you all the time.

Planning the trip

   pic: google

• Do some research of the place you intend to go.  Hotels, maps, sightseeing places, where to eat, etc. Also check their guidance and advice.
• Keep your itinerary as fluid as possible.  Leave room for the serendipitous and when plans don't work out, treat it as an opportunity.
• Be early at least 2 hours before flight time for check in.  This reduces the stress of waiting in a long security line.  Besides, a relaxing drinks while waiting at the departure hall is lovely way to start a vacation.
• Take a good nap so you feel fresh for the trip.
• Bring sufficient amount of foreign currency. Split your cash and financial assets up.  Credit card in one pocket/handbag compartment, some cash in another.  Hide some in your shoes, etc.  Don't bring all your cash/credit cards on you when you go out.  Leave some in a safebox at the hotel.
• Get up early.  So you have ample time to wander around at a more leisurely pace.   
• Make friends with locals.  Smile! Because it might be helpful.

Bon voyage! and Enjoice..........................................

Signed off for now

LOLA

Honey, I lost my passport!

Dear Diary,

We are planning for a short vacation somewhere in Asia.  Hence, there are several things that we need to have such as flight tickets, accommodation arrangement, maps, pocket money to spend and most important is a valid passport.  

So, Ms Clumsy me have forgotten where I kept my passport.  The last trip I went overseas was to Thailand and it was around 8 years ago.  Gosh! can't believe it is so ancient ago.   I searched high and low for that documents either at home or at work.  I even asked my children to check if I accidentally put it at their documents bags.  I practically turned my house upside down, ransacked every drawer and closet but it nowhere to be found.  

So, I called JIM hotline and requested for more information.  The procedures are as below:

• Lodge a police report.
• Fill in an application form IM 42 Pin 1/97 and Questionnaire IM42c
• 2 passport-sized photograph
• Identification card
• Copy of lost passport (if any)
• Other supporting documents

They also said the investigation process would take around 1 months before a  decision can be obtained.  Then, they will decide whether to issue me a new passport OR suspense my application for 2 - 5 years.  WHAT! 1 MONTH to wait for a decision! And there is possibility I have to wait another years before I can go overseas.... 

This couldn't be happening to me! I need it like.... NOW!

After much persuasion and comforting by my other half, we went to Police Headquarters's Special Branch to do the police report.  Since I did the report out of working hours (Friday night), I can only collect the report by the next working day (Monday). I must say that the procedure was a bit tedious but both police officers were quite helpful. They informed me that for passport loss due to misplaced at home and not due to stolen, theft, etc, there is a possibility that no police report is needed.  So I took my chance and went to JIM the next day.  

After submitting all the necessary documents and took my number, I just waited and feeling down again.  When they called for my number, suddenly a miracle happened!  My details of my expired passport somehow couldn't be retrieved.  As a result, I was requested to apply for a new passport.  It took me around 2 1/2 hours and wallahhhhhh I got a brand new passport!  Alhamdulillah!!!!

I called BLY and told him that amazing story.  He just laughed and said everything always  happen for a reason.  Don't ever question the ONE and always think positive....  He is right... always right....

So, the trip is on baby!!!!!

Signed off for now

LOLA