The third person......... Are you?

Dear Diary,

Have you been in a situation when someone who you are involved with was the one actively pursuing?  Or what about if you are the one who become the third person in a relationship?

Sometimes you may not be the homewrecker yourself at all, but it sort of ended up being in that position.  More than often, sometimes you may not even find out about it at all until much later.

This position stands on even trickier and murkier moral ground because in some circumstances it is hard to say if you should feel guilty about being that third person.  Most of the reasons I found why this situation occurred due to :

• Perhaps there is tension in a primary relationship.
• Perhaps there is a disagreement.
• Perhaps a partner feels a basic need is not getting met.

As much as we perceiving that third person as a threat to the primary relationship, in other angle we can look it as an attempt to stabilize the primary relationship.  Well, how might this appear to work, you must wonder?

•  The new relationship provides attention, flattery, other positive feelings;
• It creates a distraction from the problems and frustrations of the primary relationship;
• It seems to meet the unfulfilled needs and solve the problem.

 However, on the lowlights:

1. With this love triangle, it might decrease overall intimacy;
2. While there is more time invested in relationship maintenance, more effort has to be invested in juggling the logistics of the triangle, hence there is actually less deep connection between any of the players;
3. This actually relieves anxiety, by creating emotional distance between all parties involved;
4. Secrecy, jealousy, intrigue... these provide exciting distraction from the issues in the issues in the primary relationship. 

Hence, the third person may have been selected, not as a threat to the primary relationship, but exactly because she is not a threat!  She may be intended as a counter-balance----- a stabilizer.

Don't many 'extra-marital affairs' and 'emotional affairs' actually have this purpose?  Not to break up the primary relationship, but to supplement it?  To fill for what it is lacking, or to take what feels like destructive pressure off?

Then again;

A third person never creates a misunderstanding between two people;

But  a misunderstanding between two people create space for a third person...........

Signed off for now,

LOLA

TGIF.......

Dear Diary,

I'm really looking forward for this weekend. It was a long, demanding, exhaustive weekdays at work and  I just want to chill out for awhile.

Maybe I will stay at home.....

Or, go for retail therapy?

Or better still, go for a date.  Poor him, I have been neglecting him lately....

But, for now I just wanna do some works.........................if anything, see me at my cubicle....

Signed off for now

LOLA

I love you too.....ADIK

Dear Diary,

I was searching for some personal documents in the storeroom at home, when I found two letters received from my younger son, Awan.  The letters were sent when he started his military boarding school a year ago.  

Assalammualaikum ibu,

Tujuan adik tulis surat ini sebab nak luahkan perasaan adik sebelum nak duduki peperiksaan pertengahan tahun dua minggu lagi.  Sebenarnya, adik sukar untuk menyatakan betapa sayangnya adik kat ibu depan-depan.  Adik tak tahu kenapa, tapi dari kecil adik macam tu, Walaupun begitu, adik cukup sayang kat ibu.  Adik banyak melawan cakap ibu, asyik terlupa benda penting, hilang benda penting.  Adik nak sangat memohon maaf kat ibu depan-depan, tapi adik terlalu malu nak minta maaf kat ibu.  Dan adik minta maaf jika adik tak minta maaf selepas buat ibu marah.  Ibu tolong doakan adik berjaya dapat keputusan cemerlang iaitu "Straight A+" dalam peperiksaan yang terdekat dan dalam setiap peperiksaan yang adik duduki.  Kepada abang pula, adik nak minta maaf jika adik ada melawan cakap abang, tak dengar cakap abang, buat abang marah.

Akhir kata, adik ingin memohon ampun kepada ibu dan abang atas segala silap dan salah yang adik buat.  Dan boleh tak ibu cari buku rujukan SPM abang atau nota abang yang lama dan tolong hantar kat sini.  Selamat Hari Ibu. 

Dengan kasih,
AZWAN


And this is the poem that he dedicated to me,

IBU...........
She used to be my only enemy and never let me free,
Catching me in places that I know I shouldn't be,
Every other day I cross the line, I didn't mean to be so bad,
I never thought you would become the friend I never had...

Back then I didn't know why,
Why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
All that you did was love...

Ibu...I love you, Ibu... I care, 
Ibu... I love you, Ibu... my friend
You are my friend

I didn't want to hear it then,
But I'm not ashamed to say it now,
Every little thing you say and did was right for me,
I had a lot of time to think about,
About the way I used to be,
Never had a sense of more responsibility...

But now I sure I know why,
Why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
All I can give you is love......

From your mischieveous,
AZWAN 13.6.2012

Awwwww.... Isn't he so sweet?


Signed off for now,
LOLA

To my grown up Awan..........

Dear Diary,

I really love my role as the coolest mum in whole world for my two kids and always portray myself as the supportive and nurturing mum, creating a sanctuary of safety.  I was just getting the hang of this, and out of sudden my younger kid has decided to grow up.  

All this while, things have been breezy.  Awan is a sweet kid; funny, smart, obedient, and respect to other people.  He never gets into any trouble and completely trustworthy.  He prefers to stay home rather than loitering at malls or do nuisance.  That's my boy!

Suddenly, last December when he came back from his boarding school, he is totally changed.  He is still most of the things I just mentioned, but suddenly he became so secretive. What happened to my sweet boy who always loves me and is happy to talk to me and do things together? 

Then I realised he is growing up.  He is pulling away from me and asserting his independence.  He doesn't want to be treated like a small kid anymore, he wants to be treated equally with his big brother. To be treated as a GROWN UP!

I have loved being a mom to my kids.  I love laughing with them, chatting about things that happened in our life, going to movies that I dread but nearly always end up enjoying.  I love how every single day when they are at home, they pile in bed with me for a bit and we have cuddles and hang out before it's time to get going. 

Frankly, I am having such a difficult time envisioning the day when that will all be gone, and yet, I know it will be here soon and it makes my heart pain.

I realised this new-found attitude is all part of the grand plan to make it easier on me the day he finally leaves my house and goes off on his own adventures.  But, I am just having hard time believing it.

Awan, this is for you...

I remember years ago,

you were so little then.

Sometimes I can't help but wish,

that you were small again.

I've cried when you've faced heartaches,

and saw, that as you grew,

nothing broke your spirit,

instead it strengthen you.

I'm filled with mixed emotions,

as I hold back all the tears,

and with much pride remember,

back so many years.

When I first held you in my arms,

if only I'd have known,

the years would feel like moments,

after you had grown.

You aren't a child,

though in my eyes, 

I guess you will always be,

that baby boy who changed my life,

and means the world to me.

My both kids, Alan & Awan,

I hope you know how much I love you so,

I might embarrass you from time to time,

By giving lots of love and needless kisses,

But you need to know I loves you so,

Before you were born I didn't know,

Just how much I would love you so,

But when I looked into your eyes for the first time,

I felt my heart grow and grow,

A mother's love is hard to explain,

Not everyone will feel the same,

Now that you are getting older,

I felt the need to tell you,

Just how much I love you so,

Time may pass day after day or year after year,

But the love I have for you grows,

nearer and dearer to my heart each day and year,

I hope you know just how much I love you so........

In the crazy days that often make up our weeks, months, years, too often we literally don't slow down to notice that everything is changing.  Each day is different that the last.  Too often it is only looking back that we realised that we should have been looking in each moment.

Signed off for now

LOLA

You are beautiful to me....

Dear Diary,

People say that love is blind when it comes to physical flaws, it would seem.  We view our loved ones through rose-tinted glasses that overlook the crooked nose, bulging tummy or other attributes that might put other off.  Hence, we always think our other half are more attractive than they really are.

It is often said that "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and this goes to prove that beauty is highly subjective.  What appears beautiful to one person may seem not beautiful to another.  In other word, it is the person who is looking (the beholder) who has to form his/her own opinion whether a particular person, place or object is beautiful.

Lately I realized some people are so judgmental about other people choice and start giving label such as  "beauty and the beast", "planet of apes", and so on.  For me a person who has this kind of attitude is so shallow.  We should respect their choice, should we?  Look at Beyonce and Jay-Z, or even Dato' K and  Siti.  I believe what they really see is their partners' inner beauty, because the inner beauty is the real beauty.

As for me, BLY's imperfection makes him totally perfect for me......

Handsome is that handsome does ;)


Signed off for now
LOLA

New Year resolutions................

Dear Diary,

Every year I will come up with new year's resolutions even though most of the time, it is either failed to materialize or abandoned half way.  

So, what are my resolutions for this year? 

1. To be a perfect Mrs. to him.
2. Keep on learning - to continue my study which is long overdue.
3. Leave eating unhealthy and junk food and shift to healthy diet foods.
4. Be more productive and proactive. Work out regularly to get rid excess weight.
5. Spend more time with people I love.
6. To maintain in blog writing for the whole year.  
7. Make new friends and maintain the existing ones.
8. Be a supportive mom and try to understand that they are GROWING UP! They are a kid anymore...
9. Read more books.
10. TRY to save some money.
11. Do something nice for others often.

I guess it is enough for this year.  Hope I can accomplish at least half of it, if not all of these resolutions.

Wish me luck!

Signed off for now,

LOLA

 

Daddy's girl......

Dear Diary,

Dedicated to all children that have lost their daddy or mommy or both.  
Always remember that they will be forever in your hearts.

Her hair up in a pony tail,
her favourite dress tied with a bow,
today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go...

But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home,
that the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone...

But she was not afraid,
she knew just what to say,
what to tell her classmates,
on the Daddy's Day...

But still her mommy worried,
for her to face this day alone,
and that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home...

But the little girl went to school,
eager to tell them all,
About the dad she never sees,
a dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet,
children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seat...

One by one the teacher called,
a student from the class,
to introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed...

At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare, 
Each of them were searching, 
for a man who wasn't there...

"Where is her daddy at?",
she heard a boy called out,
"She probably doesn't have one",
another student dared to shout...

And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy said,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
too busy to waste his day"....

The words did not offend her,
as she smiled at her friends,
and looked back at her teacher,
who told her to begin...

And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak,
and out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique...

"My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away,
but I know he wishes he could,
be with me on this day"....

"And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know,
all about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so"....

"He loved to tell me stories,
he taught me to ride my bike,
he suprised me with pink roses
and taught me to fly a kite"...

"We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone,
and though you cannot see him,
I'm not standing here alone"....

"Cause my Daddy is always with me,
even though we are far apart,
I know because he told me,
he will forever be here in my heart"....

With that her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest,
Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favourite dress...

And from somewhere in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears,
proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years...

For she stood up for the love,
of a man not in her life,
doing what was best for her,
doing what was right...

And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd,
She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud...

"I love my Daddy very much,
he is my shining star,
and he would be here if he could,
but heaven is much too far"....

"Sometimes when I close my eyes,
it is like he never went away",
and then she closed her eyes,
and she saw him there that day...

And to her mother's amazement,
she witnessed with surprise,
a room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes...

Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside,
perhaps for merely a second,
They saw him at her side...

"I know you are with me Daddy",
to the silence she called out,
and what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed,
but there placed on her desk,
was a beautiful pink rose...

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
by the love of her shining bright star,
and given the gift of believing that,
heaven is never too far....

I miss you Abah........so much


Signed off for now
LOLA