Happy successful Thursday everyone!!!

Dear Diary,

If you like me.... raise you hand,
If not... then raise your standard.

Wish you successful Thursday!

Signed off for now,
LOLA

Help! I've been stalked!

Dear Diary,

In my previous post, I have mentioned about the blackmail issue.  Now it turned to even worse.  I believe I have a stalker at my home now.  Every time I reached home, I feel like someone is watching me.  When I'm relaxing at the living hall, I heard like someone is loitering at my front area.  I might be too paranoid or over-acting, but for me it's better to be paranoid than sorry later on!.

Frankly, I've never felt unsafe at my home before.  And my common hall in particular has always been quiet, until a family moved in just in front of my house a week ago.  They has a son around in late 20s or early 30s who likes to loiter at the common hall and watching me whenever I go in or out from the house.  We never spoke to each other but the way he look at me were so scary with eerie eyes and wicked smile.   

A few nights ago while watching TV at the living hall, I heard someone was trying to open my front door.  When I peeked under the door, no one was there.  Was it just my imagination or was it real? OMG! I feel like in prison at my own home!

Yes, I have lodged a police report after the incident but what can they actually do? The crime has yet to be committed and no proof that someone is trying to intimidate me yet.  Thank goodness I have a pepper spray and I'm carrying it at all time.  

I tried to get advice from friends, family and colleagues about how to handle this kind of stalker.  I even surfed in Internet for more info but it's futile.  Unfortunately, so far no one has come up with a real effective way to get rid of these monsters!  It is so unfair that this kind of menace should be allowed to roam the earth harassing others and making innocent lives miserable.  

Stalkers are like tumors, some are benign and some are malignant.  But all tumors are ugly and they often grow back when you get them cut out!

Wish me luck! I need it a lot......

Signed off for now

LOLA

Inspirational quotes.... Happy Wednesday ;)

Dear Diary,

Happy Wednesday everyone.... Wish you good health and happiness!

Signed off for now

LOLA

Facts that every woman needs to know!

Dear Diary,

You are so lucky and should be proud that you're born and breed in Malaysia!  I know I am!

credit: actionaid.org.au

Signed off for now

LOLA

Happy Tuesday........!!!!

Dear Diary,

Don't be gloomy....

Don't waste a minute not being happy.  If one window closes, run to the next window......

or break down a door....

The world doesn't need more mountains to climb,
More seas to cross, 
or more stars to shine....
What the world needs is only more of your smile!!
Have a sweet Tuesday with all the best wishes....  


Signed off for now
LOLA

How to raise children alone......

Dear Diary,

I have to confess that raising my two sons were so stressful and time consuming, but it also definitely rewarding.  Trust me it is difficult and challenging to a be a parent, and it is even more difficult to raise children alone. 

When I was thrown out from our home by my ex with 4 yo and 6 months old children in tow, I was extremely didn't know what to do. Can I raise them as happy, well-adjusted, well balance children? How can ensure that they will someday be a good person? I feel lacked of everything especially on the parenting skills.  

With a single income, I have to be prudent in spending without compromising my children needs especially on education issue.  At one stage I needed to do two jobs just to make sure that I have given the best for them.  The worse time we had was when I lost my job in 1997.  I was totally broke with no saving.  I had to walk a few miles instead of taking bus or skip breakfast and lunch during office hours just to save some money.  The banks were chasing me, my car was repossessed. I was on rock bottom.  

But every time I came home, and looked at my children innocent face I feel calm and peaceful and I know whatever happen, everything will eventually turn out fine.  I didn't say that my children were angels at all time.  Sometimes they were testing their wings and more often, my nerves.  Fortunately they didn't do things that they might regret later, or threaten their future i.e. smoking, drugs, run away, etc. 

After 15 odd years raising them, there are a few tips in raising children as a single mother.

• Establish mutual respect and learn from mistakes.  You should know that you are not perfect, your children are not perfect. They don't need a perfect life in order to grow up whole. They learned from mistakes (or even mom's) and develop strength from bad times. What they do really need are to feel secure, connected, acceptable and hopeful.  Ask for forgiveness when you made mistakes.  As for me, I would keep the playing ground equal so we would be very accepting of each other. Remember "you can get the glory, but also all the blame".

• Understanding your children.  Rather than attempt to mold them to your vision of who they should be, you as the attentive parent should reach in to understand a child's strengths and weaknesses, and teaches them how to recognize and handle their own feelings. In addition, communication is so much more than just talking to them.  It includes a need for parent to convey their unconditional love to them.  Sometimes communication with them means no communicating.  We should know their body language.  We will be willing to not bug them and just keep an ear out for when they do want to talk - and an eye out for any trouble.

•  Authoritative Parenting.  Every mom's greatest dream is to be a best friend to her children, to be loved and liked by them.  However, having clearly defined boundaries between you and the children is very important.  Establishing rules is naturally harder and it is always difficult to always be 'heavy' with your children.  And it is tough to avoid caving into demands without the support of another adult.  When you employ fair and firm discipline approach, they will learn the value of doing what is right along with how to take responsibility for their action.  It's a win-win situation that leads directly to raising your children successfully.

• Create a stable, nurturing home.  It is high priority, however they also crave stability and security.  It is your job as a parent to create a nurturing environment where they can thrive.  They need to hear how much you love them and how proud you are.  Show your affection and attention as much as you can.  

• Establish schedules and predictable routines. In order to create stability and security, it involves establish predictable schedules and routines for your children.  Nevertheless, you should not be too rigid and inflexible, because they need to learn that life is not always predictable.  Find a healthy balance.

• Build their confidence and self-esteem.  When you raise a confident children with a healthy self-esteem, they will be able to make the right choices.

• Teach your teen life skills.  Maybe teach them cook, how to use a bank account or any skill that might help them not only survive, but thrive when they begin to live on their own.   

   

Remember.... SINGLE PARENTS RAISE GOOD KIDS TOO!

Signed for now

LOLA

You got Blackmail.......!

Dear Diary,

Imagine this... You have a big secret that if others knew, would make them especially your friends have a very negative view of you if they found out.  Then, there is this shady person who knows of this secret and now attempts to blackmail you for their own twisted joy of seeing you suffer.  So, how do you rid yourself of the poser this shady person has over you without having people find out your secret?  

What did I mention this topic today? Funny enough, someone was trying to blackmail me recently.  He said that he has proof that there is a guy staying on-off in my house.  What they didn't realise or didn't do the background check, I have a young adult son that sometimes look like a brother to me rather than a son (I told you Alan, you should make sure you shave your beard more often).  Okay, joke aside, even though I have nothing to hide or lose, it still worries me.  Why do these people willing to do this extra length just to hurt others? What should we do to deal with blackmail? 

There are some tips that I managed to extract from googles and friends:

• Whatever you do, don't take the situation into your own hands.  Harming others or yourself is never the answer, and never will be.  Be aware that the job of punishing and stopping crimes is what police are for.  Stay calm and don't make any rash decisions.  You are not alone and you can get out of this.

• Talk to someone.  Tell to someone that really close and certainly can trust.  Talking to somebody regularly while all of this trauma is happening or writing down everything can help get out all of those mixed up, strong feelings.

• Once you have cleared your head, think about what you are going to do.  Get suggestion from someone you can trust on some things you should do.  Do things to make sure you are calm and maintain composure or poise while this is happening.  Don't just let go and panic - try to maintain your daily schedule and stay calm. 

• Make a plan.  Make sure that the plan can't go wrong.  If it does happen go wrong, it won't be anything that you will regret. 

• Now put your plan into action.  Call the police and go ahead with it.  Make sure there is no danger involved, and nothing against the law.  It may be tempting to punch that shady person once they were apprehended.  Your plan should involve authorities of some kind, unless the information the blackmailer is threatening to reveal could land you in jail.  

Blackmail is a horrible thing especially emotionally blackmail.  It doesn't matter whether it is true or false or whether they really have a concrete proof or just baseless fact.  It make you feel scared, threatened, vulnerable and in danger.  It stresses you out and your health can really go crazy.  No matter how small you think blackmail is, it is a totally unacceptable thing and needs to be dealt with.  I really hope the tips above can at least help you in dealing this issue.

Signed off for now

LOLA