What's going on?

Dear Diary,

Damn! It's been ages since the last time i updated my blog.  Tonnes of things had happened in my life while i went hiatus.  I almost lost my job due to my stupidity which followed blindly whatever instructions given by my ex-boss.  Alhamdulillah, that nightmare has finally over and now i can work like usual.

About the relationship? That's interesting... After almost 3 years waiting for him to make a move, I finally realised that he's not going to propose me at all.  My mum and sisters have practically harassing me about THE relationship.  Alas, on 9 September 2012 was the last straw.  I finally put my foot down and ask him where the relationship heading to.  Sadly, he still can't give me the concrete answer and I have to give my ultimatum.  I asked for a breakup. and this time for good.

When i uttered that words, I feel my world crumbled down.  I feel like I was falling down from very high place with no bottom.  We communicated via SMS and PM for our final goodbyes. I was crying when sending all the messages.  I wished him  for happiness and hope he will someday finally find whatever he chasing for.

I remembered that day when he called me and requested to see me for a last time.  I asked him why he's too reluctant to marry me.  Does he love me? Does my love not enough for him? But I didn't prepared for the answer that he gave me.  I felt like dying.  I felt like i can't breathe.  And that I did.  I almost died.  If he didn't reach me on time, i will be in obituary list right now. 

And for the 1st time i saw him cried.  But I felt so empty... i feel hollow in my heart.  I was cheated. I was betrayed. My heart was knifed by someone I trust, I love unconditionally.  

But I forgave him.  I want to move on.  I want to let him go. I won't hold any grudge for what he has done to me.  But he won't do the same. This time he want to go all the way to get me back.  When he proposed me just outside the Subway Cafe KK, I was so speechless. 

So, it brings us back to where we are now.... 

I'll update soon.  and maybe if I brave enough to open my heart wound, I will write about what really happened between 9 Sept until the day until I accepted him back.  It's so turmoil. 

Sign off for now

LOLA