How to Survive Being a Single Mother

Dear Diary,

A single parent (aka solo parent) usually refers to a parent who has day-to-day responsibilities in the raising of the child(ren), which could be categorized as the primary caregiver.  We can become single parents through death of a spouse, divorce, abandonment or choice.  And I am one of the statistic, and by divorce and definitely by choice.

I have been spouse-less for about 15 years and with two grown-up kids.  Over the years, lots of people have been asking or busybodying on how I can survive of all these years with my sanity intact.  Here are the tips that I can share that might enlighten you:

Maintain a blameless mindset 

Make time for yourself to create and clarify your values.  Don't blame yourself and there is no point to blame others especially your ex.  Just remember, it's not worth it at all.

Remember you still have many other outlets of good, kind, loving people who are compassionate and supportive

Don't crawl under the bed.  It's not healthy for you and also the kids.  You still have family, friends, colleagues, etc that will always love you no matter what. Especially your kids.  They will be there for you sunshine or rain and will love you infinity and beyond.

Consider the skills that you already possess 

Are you a good reader? Are you a good communicator? Are you good in baking or sewing?  Just do whatever you are good at and enjoy every moment of it.

Make yourself valuable 

Change your appearance (to a betterment), take course i.e. Al-Quran recital or further your study.  Anything that can boost your confidence.

Boost your confidence to higher stage

Change your appearance (to a betterment), take course or further your study.  Anything that can boost your confidence. Or volunteer yourself to assist to local shelter, orphanage, masjid, etc.

Take responsibility

Be selective.  Don't think that constraint with limited choices or funds allow anyone to take advantage or force us into a decision.  As long as we have love for our child, our morals are intact and we behave legally responsible manner, all should work out for the best. 

Leave if you are in a bad neighbourhood or an unhealthy relationship

Your safety and the safety of your children are numero uno priority. Most of all, love yourself and your children before loving others.  Leave them if they are not worth it!

Believe in yourself

Whatever you do, if you do for the betterment of you and your children, you can succeed. 

Establish a support system that you are comfortable with

Make sure to have only people are sound mind and can make healthy decisions care for your child in your absence i.e. your sisters, mum or trusted friends.

Ignore people who are critical of you

Critical people is like a wet blanket. Before you know it, your mood switched, from a happy state to one of annoyance and irritation.  They can be a real downers, like energy vampires.  No matter what you say, they always find some way to derail the mood of the conversation.  They never give compliment or encouragement.  And most of all they don't care about you!

Parental skills are learned

If we were parented well, all the better. If we think we want to leave some things behind or improve upon them, do so.  Whatever it is, accept parental responsibility. You are the creator of your children mold.  Also, there is no harm learning or listening from children.

12

You are the architect

Remember that every day is created anew, and it is up to you how to architect the present and future. 

Have dignity

Whatever you do, whenever you go, wherever you go, do with a clean conscience.

Fight loneliness

Fill you free time with something good such as paint, draw, read, sing, mend something or better still PRAY!!!

Back to the ONE

No! I never forget about this.  I just keep the best for last.  If you feel all alone just remember Allah swt.  Don't ever forget that HE's always care and always there for you.  HE's listening and ready to answer for all your prayers.  If you sad and feel like your life is crumbling down, just call out his name.  If you feel sad, recite Al-Quran, bow down in prayer.  Remember that HE's the most gracious and the most merciful, because HE still helps us even when we forget about HIM. 

Signed off for now

LOLA