Facts that every woman needs to know!

Dear Diary,

You are so lucky and should be proud that you're born and breed in Malaysia!  I know I am!

credit: actionaid.org.au

Signed off for now

LOLA

Happy Tuesday........!!!!

Dear Diary,

Don't be gloomy....

Don't waste a minute not being happy.  If one window closes, run to the next window......

or break down a door....

The world doesn't need more mountains to climb,
More seas to cross, 
or more stars to shine....
What the world needs is only more of your smile!!
Have a sweet Tuesday with all the best wishes....  


Signed off for now
LOLA

How to raise children alone......

Dear Diary,

I have to confess that raising my two sons were so stressful and time consuming, but it also definitely rewarding.  Trust me it is difficult and challenging to a be a parent, and it is even more difficult to raise children alone. 

When I was thrown out from our home by my ex with 4 yo and 6 months old children in tow, I was extremely didn't know what to do. Can I raise them as happy, well-adjusted, well balance children? How can ensure that they will someday be a good person? I feel lacked of everything especially on the parenting skills.  

With a single income, I have to be prudent in spending without compromising my children needs especially on education issue.  At one stage I needed to do two jobs just to make sure that I have given the best for them.  The worse time we had was when I lost my job in 1997.  I was totally broke with no saving.  I had to walk a few miles instead of taking bus or skip breakfast and lunch during office hours just to save some money.  The banks were chasing me, my car was repossessed. I was on rock bottom.  

But every time I came home, and looked at my children innocent face I feel calm and peaceful and I know whatever happen, everything will eventually turn out fine.  I didn't say that my children were angels at all time.  Sometimes they were testing their wings and more often, my nerves.  Fortunately they didn't do things that they might regret later, or threaten their future i.e. smoking, drugs, run away, etc. 

After 15 odd years raising them, there are a few tips in raising children as a single mother.

• Establish mutual respect and learn from mistakes.  You should know that you are not perfect, your children are not perfect. They don't need a perfect life in order to grow up whole. They learned from mistakes (or even mom's) and develop strength from bad times. What they do really need are to feel secure, connected, acceptable and hopeful.  Ask for forgiveness when you made mistakes.  As for me, I would keep the playing ground equal so we would be very accepting of each other. Remember "you can get the glory, but also all the blame".

• Understanding your children.  Rather than attempt to mold them to your vision of who they should be, you as the attentive parent should reach in to understand a child's strengths and weaknesses, and teaches them how to recognize and handle their own feelings. In addition, communication is so much more than just talking to them.  It includes a need for parent to convey their unconditional love to them.  Sometimes communication with them means no communicating.  We should know their body language.  We will be willing to not bug them and just keep an ear out for when they do want to talk - and an eye out for any trouble.

•  Authoritative Parenting.  Every mom's greatest dream is to be a best friend to her children, to be loved and liked by them.  However, having clearly defined boundaries between you and the children is very important.  Establishing rules is naturally harder and it is always difficult to always be 'heavy' with your children.  And it is tough to avoid caving into demands without the support of another adult.  When you employ fair and firm discipline approach, they will learn the value of doing what is right along with how to take responsibility for their action.  It's a win-win situation that leads directly to raising your children successfully.

• Create a stable, nurturing home.  It is high priority, however they also crave stability and security.  It is your job as a parent to create a nurturing environment where they can thrive.  They need to hear how much you love them and how proud you are.  Show your affection and attention as much as you can.  

• Establish schedules and predictable routines. In order to create stability and security, it involves establish predictable schedules and routines for your children.  Nevertheless, you should not be too rigid and inflexible, because they need to learn that life is not always predictable.  Find a healthy balance.

• Build their confidence and self-esteem.  When you raise a confident children with a healthy self-esteem, they will be able to make the right choices.

• Teach your teen life skills.  Maybe teach them cook, how to use a bank account or any skill that might help them not only survive, but thrive when they begin to live on their own.   

   

Remember.... SINGLE PARENTS RAISE GOOD KIDS TOO!

Signed for now

LOLA