Points to ponder....

Dear Diary,

Just saying......

Wouldn't you agree? ;-D

Signed off for now

LOLA

Common mistakes to avoid with Young Adult.....

Dear Diary,

I must say it is a daunting task for me to raise a healthy and well balance kids all on my own.  It is even more challenging for me to juggle between a mother and a career woman.  Now both of them has grown up and now become young adult.  

There is one article from Imonk that caught my attention about common mistakes that we should avoid in dealing with young adult children.  These are some of the mistakes to avoid with them:

• Assuming they don't want to hear that they are loved.  I always reminded my ex to at least call or message them whenever there is good happened in their life, i.e. won the games, obtained good mark in exam, etc.  I think no one is as mature and beyond the need for affection as they appear to be.  There are some hard cases, but most of us are never too old to treasure those people who tell us they love us.  Hence, every conversation i have with my children, I always end it with the love word.

• Assuming they no longer appreciate a hug.  It might be a small thing, but there is something primal about it.  Ditto from above.  I will make sure I will always hug them or at least touch or hold their hand whenever I can.  

• Assuming all they want is money and material possessions.  Such an easy mistake for us to make because that it is such an obvious and frequent place to hear the words "I need...", and so much conspired to tell us this is what "love" means in our culture.  It is just so wrong! wrong! wrong!

• Criticizing them for cultural difference between our generation and theirs.  Lay off the clothes, video games, music, movies and so on (as long they don't cross the line.  Tattoos or equivalent to it is a big NO).  What they need is a solid example of true joy, simple pleasures, genuine spirituality and the ability to see beyond the cultural distractions to the important places in a relationship.

• Not asking questions in the right way, in the right spirit, in the right intention, or with the right attitude.  Be gentle.  Intensity needs to be in the service of compassion.  Don't harbor the illusion that it is OK to throw your frustration and fears onto your children when we are commanded to cast them on HIM.

• Failing to remember what it is like to be a young adult, especially in the ares of insecurities, emotional wounding and feelings of insecurity.  It wasn't a picnic, and there were times when we were all so afraid we weren't going to get anything right.  And for many of us, there was a particular fear that our parents would be especially disapproving of any of our failures.

•  Forgetting how much failure is a part of growing and acquiring wisdom.  When our children fail, we should be their most certain supporters, not their judges.

• Forgetting that no matter how much a person has said they want to be an adult, when you get there it is not at all what you expected it would be.  Keep it real.  I think it is the job of a parent to help their young adult child to always keep a realistic view of what it does and doesn't mean to be an adult.  Believe it or not, most of them consider us to be the best model for what it means to be a grown-up.

• Sometimes it is very hard to be away from home, to be on you own and to be convinced you will never find someone to love you.  We lose track of the emptiness and loneliness.  We buy the idea that it is great to be a young adult, but there are so many moments when things are hard and confusing.  Don't forget those moments when life seemed completely overwhelming and what it means that mom and dad took some small opportunity to acknowledge that with kindness.

• Contemporary culture has made the addictive sins of young adults a high priority.  We should have great compassion on those who are caught in them.  I think it is really time to get past being shocked and start being constructively helpful.  We all have a sin problem.  Sometimes it is obvious, sometimes not.  But the person who is in the ditch isn't very different from those of us who aren't.

Signed off for now

LOLA

Dealing with young adult children.......

Dear Diary,

Currently I am at the stage where I have my own young adult children (17 and 20, to be exact). People who close to me told their advice for getting along well with my children - after they are grown.

And just about everyone had exactly one piece of advice: When in doubt, don't interfere with them.  When they are gone, let them go.

The main advice to maintain good relationship with your young adult is to give them their own life.  Let them make their own decision and don't demand to much on them.  Don't ask to much of them, just be there for them when they need you.  Try to laugh with them.  And certainly you can give advice but don't ever tell them what to do. Because I think your guess is as good as theirs.

I always bared it in mind, it is their life and it's not my life.  I  lived my  life the way I wanted to.  I believes in the non'interference' principle, unless they are the one who come to me for advice.  As I say, they all have their own way to do things and if they get in trouble and they want some help, they will come to me.  That's all.

I have taken this advice to heart.  I must say that it is hard for me not to give advice, but I have learned to wait until my kids ask!

Signed off for now

LOLA