Dear Diary,
I really love my role as the coolest mum in whole world for my two kids and always portray myself as the supportive and nurturing mum, creating a sanctuary of safety. I was just getting the hang of this, and out of sudden my younger kid has decided to grow up.
All this while, things have been breezy. Awan is a sweet kid; funny, smart, obedient, and respect to other people. He never gets into any trouble and completely trustworthy. He prefers to stay home rather than loitering at malls or do nuisance. That's my boy!
Suddenly, last December when he came back from his boarding school, he is totally changed. He is still most of the things I just mentioned, but suddenly he became so secretive. What happened to my sweet boy who always loves me and is happy to talk to me and do things together?
Then I realised he is growing up. He is pulling away from me and asserting his independence. He doesn't want to be treated like a small kid anymore, he wants to be treated equally with his big brother. To be treated as a GROWN UP!
I have loved being a mom to my kids. I love laughing with them, chatting about things that happened in our life, going to movies that I dread but nearly always end up enjoying. I love how every single day when they are at home, they pile in bed with me for a bit and we have cuddles and hang out before it's time to get going.
Frankly, I am having such a difficult time envisioning the day when that will all be gone, and yet, I know it will be here soon and it makes my heart pain.
I realised this new-found attitude is all part of the grand plan to make it easier on me the day he finally leaves my house and goes off on his own adventures. But, I am just having hard time believing it.
Awan, this is for you...
I remember years ago,
you were so little then.
Sometimes I can't help but wish,
that you were small again.
I've cried when you've faced heartaches,
and saw, that as you grew,
nothing broke your spirit,
instead it strengthen you.
I'm filled with mixed emotions,
as I hold back all the tears,
and with much pride remember,
back so many years.
When I first held you in my arms,
if only I'd have known,
the years would feel like moments,
after you had grown.
You aren't a child,
though in my eyes,
I guess you will always be,
that baby boy who changed my life,
and means the world to me.
My both kids, Alan & Awan,
I hope you know how much I love you so,
I might embarrass you from time to time,
By giving lots of love and needless kisses,
But you need to know I loves you so,
Before you were born I didn't know,
Just how much I would love you so,
But when I looked into your eyes for the first time,
I felt my heart grow and grow,
A mother's love is hard to explain,
Not everyone will feel the same,
Now that you are getting older,
I felt the need to tell you,
Just how much I love you so,
Time may pass day after day or year after year,
But the love I have for you grows,
nearer and dearer to my heart each day and year,
I hope you know just how much I love you so........
In the crazy days that often make up our weeks, months, years, too often we literally don't slow down to notice that everything is changing. Each day is different that the last. Too often it is only looking back that we realised that we should have been looking in each moment.
Signed off for now
LOLA
