Dear Diary,
Have you been in a situation when someone who you are involved with was the one actively pursuing? Or what about if you are the one who become the third person in a relationship?
Sometimes you may not be the homewrecker yourself at all, but it sort of ended up being in that position. More than often, sometimes you may not even find out about it at all until much later.
This position stands on even trickier and murkier moral ground because in some circumstances it is hard to say if you should feel guilty about being that third person. Most of the reasons I found why this situation occurred due to :
- Perhaps there is tension in a primary relationship.
- Perhaps there is a disagreement.
- Perhaps a partner feels a basic need is not getting met.
As much as we perceiving that third person as a threat to the primary relationship, in other angle we can look it as an attempt to stabilize the primary relationship. Well, how might this appear to work, you must wonder?
- The new relationship provides attention, flattery, other positive feelings;
- It creates a distraction from the problems and frustrations of the primary relationship;
- It seems to meet the unfulfilled needs and solve the problem.
However, on the lowlights:
- With this love triangle, it might decrease overall intimacy;
- While there is more time invested in relationship maintenance, more effort has to be invested in juggling the logistics of the triangle, hence there is actually less deep connection between any of the players;
- This actually relieves anxiety, by creating emotional distance between all parties involved;
- Secrecy, jealousy, intrigue... these provide exciting distraction from the issues in the issues in the primary relationship.
Hence, the third person may have been selected, not as a threat to the primary relationship, but exactly because she is not a threat! She may be intended as a counter-balance----- a stabilizer.
Don't many 'extra-marital affairs' and 'emotional affairs' actually have this purpose? Not to break up the primary relationship, but to supplement it? To fill for what it is lacking, or to take what feels like destructive pressure off?
Then again;
A third person never creates a misunderstanding between two people;
But a misunderstanding between two people create space for a third person...........
Signed off for now,
LOLA
