Thousand Apologies.......

Dear Diary,

Sorry that I love you, sorry that I care

Sorry that we've taken for granted the love that we share

Sorry for the heartache, sorry for the pain

Sorry for what you gave, if I didn't give back the same

Sorry for the waiting, sorry to waste your time

Sorry if I'm not worth it, you don't have to be mine

Sorry for mistaking something that I thought was true

Sorry if you don't understand why I do what I do

Sorry for my feelings if they are not enough

Sorry if we can't work through all this stuff

Sorry if you can't fit me into your life

Sorry if all I do is cause us to fight

Sorry if I'm cramping your life or getting in your way

Sorry if I don't say the things you want me to say

Sorry if I don't measure up to what you want me to be

Sorry if I can't be enough to make you just want me

Sorry for apologizing but I don't know what to do

Sorry if my dreams consist of me and you..... 

Signed off for now

LOLA

Just saying.........................

Dear Diary,

They said I'm easy to understand,
They said I'm a drama queen,
Coz I will laugh when I am happy,
I will cry when I am sad,
I will sulk when I am mad....

In reality,
Nobody understand me,
Sometimes I lied when I am mad,
Sometimes I cover my sadness with a smile,
Sometimes I pretend everything is fine when I feel hurt.....

Because I am a woman of few words....
Please read me between the lines,
Or try to look through my eyes,
Coz they are the window of my soul,
And it could never lies.......

Signed off for now
LOLA

Bad habits die hard.....

Dear Diary,

Everybody has his/her own habits, albeit good or bad.  I must confessed that  I have several  bad habits such as procrastination, overspending, but the worse is love to rummage people  belongings or secrets.  When I was young I loved to rummage my sisters belongings, searched for secrets that I can use against them.  Don't get me wrong! I love my sisters dearly and there is no way I would do any harm onto them.  I only use it on them for certain leverage like need to borrow their pretty awesome clothes, to join their outing/parties with friends, etc. 

Now, I am trying to refrain or at least minimize myself from doing it anymore. However, I still secretly rummage my children things like handphone or laptop for information.  Well, as a mother to two teenage sons, I believe it is my duty to ensure that they don't do something that will jeopardize their life or future.  

Other than that, I will only rummage for secrets when I feel vulnerable or threaten or even doubtful.  When I put my 100% confidence or trust to others, I expect them to do the same to me and will not by any chance betray my trust or confidence.  

I might love someone but it doesn't mean I trust the person until he has proved his innocent.  Besides, this is how I survive all these times, good and bad.  Because I will never tell him directly on how I feel, hence he has to read between the lines.  

Hence, my advice is if you are thinking putting other women's photos (especially with sexy pose) on your wallet or laptop and your other half finds out, please be prepared with a more concrete reason other that the pretext that he/she just someone that you vaguely knew or just a friend.  Come on! We are not in "Too Phat" era anymore.   And don't brush it off and pretend it never happen..... Have you ever heard "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" before?

Then again, I'm just saying......

Signed off for now

LOLA