Monday, November 12, 2012

Is he the ONE?

Dear Diary,

How do you determine if he is MR RIGHT (not MR think he is always RIGHT). 

One way to discover whether or not the man you are dating is the ONE is by giving him some test.
  • Get into real knock-down, drag-out fight with him
You can know about a person by the way he fights.  If in the heat of a real argument he does a pretty good job of sticking to the point, or tends to ratchet the hostility down, or if he actually listens to the things you are trying to convey, that is a beautiful sign.  But if he goes vicious, or start attacking you personally or even worse any way physical, that is a sign too.  A "you better run away" sign.
  • Go on long distance trip with him

Generally, people are pretty good at keeping their stuff under the table for certain length of time.  However, on a long road trip, there is nowhere for him to hide.  Sooner or later his smooth and yummy outer layer will finally wear off, and his inner chewy nuttiness will ultimately be revealed.  With a lot of unexpected stuff happens,  there is pretty good chance he will shows his true colour.  Then he will show how he reacts when things go like they always go in life, which is contrary to plans.
  • Have him care for you when you are really sick
One of the many reasons men love women so much is because women are just so darn pretty and well-composed.  So, why don't you get ugly around him for a change, and see how that works for you.  I am talking about get biologically ugly.  Then, scrutinize his behaviour when you are practically croaking on your bed.  Is he patient, sympathetic, loving and attentive? Or does he looks like he wants to run to the door?
  • Watch him around other women

Men flirt.  Cool enough.  That's probably how you were attracted to him in the first place.  But once both of you have committed to being "the COUPLE", the only message he ever needs to be sending to any other woman is "Yeah, you are damn hot, but not to me".  So, next time if you attend a party, put yourself away from him and observe while he is doing solo mode.  You will see whether he is Mr RIGHT or Mr LIGHT instantly.

  • Watch how he treats service staff
People like waiters, maids, parking attendants, delivery boy, store clerks, etc.  A man's true character is revealed by how he treats such people in his life.  If towards service staff or those beneath him professionally  he is so brusque, dismissive, or in even of slightest condescending, then there is high possiblity he will treat you the same way too, sooner or later.  You are never be able to fix it, because it's already embedded in him.  So get out right away.... or go down trying.
  • Watch how he loses

Everyone wins well.  When in victory, everyone is so gracious, humble, sweet.  However, when he loses, tells you who he is.  Be with him sometime when he loses a game that he wanted or expected to win.  Even better if you are the one who beats him.  Watch very carefully on how he respond to defeat.  A real winner knows it's about remaining a winner, no matter the score is. 

If he pass the test, you are one damn lucky woman.

By the way, he passed each and every test.  Yeay! Lucky me!


Signed off for now,
LOLA


I love Mondays



Dear Diary,


Most of people hate Mondays, right? As we know Monday is the start of the week. So, if something goes wrong on this day, Monday will always gets the blame.  It is unfair, isn't it?



BUT I LOVE MONDAYS!!!  Let me rephrase it... I don't just love Mondays, I love my job.  I love it because it is really a joy to be able to do what I do....



I started work when I finished my study.  In fact I took up only only 2 days AL for my wedding.  I was so in love with my job, I was so reluctant to join my husband when he has to work overseas.  That's how much  I love my job. And that how my husband became my ex-husband.



Anyhoo, I have ups and downs during my working life.  But these experiences have molded me for who I am today....



Signed off for now
LOLA
A strong women is someone who is able to smile this morning like she wasn't crying last night.



Dear Diary,

I love you,  you don't love me....... but that's fine, I will be okay.
I miss you, you don't miss me....... but that's fine, I will be okay.
My head  fills with you, your head fills with someone else.... .but that's fine, I will be okay.
I will fight through it, even though it hurts now, it will get better....
I'm sure of it...

Signed off for now,
LOLA

Committed with Uncommitted relationship

Dear Diary,

Signs he feels NO DESIRE to be committed:

  1. Unlikely to express to maintain the relationship.. Even when pressured, he will always find ways to avoid talking about personal commitment.
  2. Thinks other relationships are much better and other couples are more happier.
  3. Start complaining on lack of freedom to say and do what he wants to (and blames everything on you).
  4. Hardly follows up on promises - even on very very small things.
  5. Less inclined to actively work to develop a feeling of togetherness (does not feel there is need to).
  6. More inclined to engage in opportunistic and even insulting or abusive behaviour.  Basically he isn't bothered on how you feel about it).
  7. Always puts his personal interest above the relationship.  You are never my No. 1 attitude.
  8. More inclined to actively and openly seek distractions outside of the relationship e.g. work, affairs, adult entertainment, addictions, etc.
  9. Unwilling and dismissive of any requests for emotional openness or closeness, time or effort. No PDA.
  10. Committed ONLY so long as the external pressure is present or so long as there are "PERSONAL BEFITS" to being in the relationship.
  11. Will at some point want to end the relationship or intentionally do something to make YOU end it.

If your relationship has all or at least some of the criterias, it's about time for you to re-evaluate your relationship.

Signed off for now.
LOLA

What's love?

Dear Diary,

What is the meaning of LOVE? 

For me:

Love means treating others well....


It all comes down to simple, basic rules of listening, understanding and most important empathising with what is important to your love ones. Once you understanding how treating others in loving way works, your relationship cannot fail because of YOU.




Love means pleasure....


When both of you treat each other well, you delight in each other.  Love means pleasure, deep emotional enjoyment of each other.



But please remember, sexual pleasure is only that... it does not create emotional intimacy. You don't have to settle for temporary enjoyment as all you can have (it's not a buffet style).  You should go beyond to find the emotional satisfaction that you have always wanted.



Don't waste your time thinking sex is the answer.  Learn from what others know.  Acceptance and affirmation of oneself and others creates the emotional delight that can be expressed with sex.  Remember, make love is better that have sex.  Same method but with better feeling...




Love means caring.....


Share your life activities and personal intimate information creates intimacy and emotional connection.  Over time, caring grows and your emotional investment in the other deepen, even when all is not "rosy" and pleasurable. 


Don't do list


Fear of asking for what you want.
Reacting so defensively when you don't want to do so.
Being critical of your other half or even to yourself.
Attempting to control your partner with jealousy.
Fear of being rejected.


Signed off.
LOLA

Birthday girl

Dear Diary,

Today is my mum 63rd birthday.  Happy birthday mama!!! You are so awesome....



Wishing you a day,
as sunny as your smile,
as warm as your heart,
a day as a wonderful as you are....

Even though we are always fighting over such little things, you still love me,

Even though we argue at some pointless things, you still love me,
Even though I seldom visit you although we stay 2km apart, you still love me,
Even though you get mad at me coz I always stubborn and never listen to your advice, you still love me,
Even though we always end up feeling angry and disappointed after so much fight, you always love me
Even though I already old enough but act like a young kid, you still love me.
And you always remind me every second, every day, that you always love me unconditionally.


Thanks mama... Yes, I love you too...


Sign off,
LOLA




What's going on?

Dear Diary,

Damn! It's been ages since the last time i updated my blog.  Tonnes of things had happened in my life while i went hiatus.  I almost lost my job due to my stupidity which followed blindly whatever instructions given by my ex-boss.  Alhamdulillah, that nightmare has finally over and now i can work like usual.

About the relationship? That's interesting... After almost 3 years waiting for him to make a move, I finally realised that he's not going to propose me at all.  My mum and sisters have practically harassing me about THE relationship.  Alas, on 9 September 2012 was the last straw.  I finally put my foot down and ask him where the relationship heading to.  Sadly, he still can't give me the concrete answer and I have to give my ultimatum.  I asked for a breakup. and this time for good.

When i uttered that words, I feel my world crumbled down.  I feel like I was falling down from very high place with no bottom.  We communicated via SMS and PM for our final goodbyes. I was crying when sending all the messages.  I wished him  for happiness and hope he will someday finally find whatever he chasing for.

I remembered that day when he called me and requested to see me for a last time.  I asked him why he's too reluctant to marry me.  Does he love me? Does my love not enough for him? But I didn't prepared for the answer that he gave me.  I felt like dying.  I felt like i can't breathe.  And that I did.  I almost died.  If he didn't reach me on time, i will be in obituary list right now. 

And for the 1st time i saw him cried.  But I felt so empty... i feel hollow in my heart.  I was cheated. I was betrayed. My heart was knifed by someone I trust, I love unconditionally.  

But I forgave him.  I want to move on.  I want to let him go. I won't hold any grudge for what he has done to me.  But he won't do the same. This time he want to go all the way to get me back.  When he proposed me just outside the Subway Cafe KK, I was so speechless. 

So, it brings us back to where we are now.... 

I'll update soon.  and maybe if I brave enough to open my heart wound, I will write about what really happened between 9 Sept until the day until I accepted him back.  It's so turmoil. 

Sign off for now
LOLA


My new blog

Hi all,

This is my second attempt to start a blog.  The 1st one was in 2009 and for my eyes only.  However, this blog is for public view, i hope.  So, wish me luck.... 


Signed off
LOLA