Can my heart finally heal?

Dear Diary,

I realized now that to heal my broken heart is harder than I thought.  It feel like being underwater when I need to breathe.  I build my live with him, someone that I trust and care for, and suddenly, in the blink of an eyes, everything is gone.  The only left is feeling sorrow, angry, heartache and questions like what am I going to do now, and what is my way forward, etc.

At the moment, all I can do is to give myself some ME time.  After being together almost 3 years, now is the time to take a step back, evaluate your life and move on to the next challenge.  "Everyone falls down, but it is how you get back up that defines you".....

I must say I still feel as though someone has ripped my heart out, stepped on it, and threw it away. And all these feeling multiply by 100.  That's how I feel right now. But people said it is normal to feel sad, and it's okay to cry or get upset.  Going through grief is just another step along the path to recovery.  So, i'm letting myself grieve.

In order to move on I need to remove all the memories of him from my everyday life.  It means, I have to remove everything that reminds me of him.  The key word is remove... not destroy.. At the same time, I think I have to disconnect my life with any social network, at least for the time being until I am completely heal.  Also, in order not to hurt my feeling further, I guess it is better not to see each other, otherwise things will go haywire.....

So, this is what I'm going to do for the time being....

Again, wish me luck!

Signed off for now

LOLA

You are forever a part of me.....eventhough you are long gone....

Dear Diary,

What's the point of even trying,
if it only ends in pain.
Why do your memories come back to haunt me
like an old unwanted stain.
Don't you ever feel,
the slightest bit of guilt?
for taking my heart 
and throwing it in the dirt

Coz your more than just a person,
that's been in my past.
Your more than just a memory,
I wish I never had.
Your like an overplayed song on the radio,
I can't get you out of my head.
You're the oxygen I need to breathe,
your forever a part of me.
I'm confused, broken, and down,
and I don't know why.
Your face is clogging up my vision,
nothing is clear at all.
Remember the times when you acted like you cared?
Yeah well neither do I,
so why is it,
that without you I'm so scared?

I just can't see what it is I'm hanging on to,
Am I such a fool, for ever putting my faith in you.
Why do you have to follow me everywhere I go?
I said I was done with you, over you, I don't belong with you.
so why is it that, these feelings are still attached?

You are forever a part of me..........
~SFL~

Signed off for now
LOLA

Why?

Dear Diary,

why would you hold my hand,
when you planned to let it go?
why would you be so sure,
and then say that you don't know?

why would you take a walk with me,
when u planned to leave half way?
why did you leave me crying
on that lonesome Thursday

Before you, I may not have had a smile
but i certainly didn't have tears
I may not have had the dreams
atleast i wasnt drowning in fears

you gradually let me fall apart
I followed u, but you dint lead
you stuck a dagger in my heart
and left me helpless to bleed

every time I closed my eyes
it was your face that I saw
so i turned my face away
from all the lies that u did draw

thinking you would change
thinking you would find your way
but all you did was hurt me until
it was time for you to walk away

by Fathima Khan

Signed off for now,

LOLA