Human Value....... An inspirational story

Dear Diary,

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up $100 bill.  In the room full of audience, he asked, "Who would like this $100 bill?" Everybody raised their hands.

He said, "I'm going to give this $100 to one of you but first, let me do this", and he crumpled up the bill.  He asked again, "Who still wants it?".  Still the hands were up in the air.

"Well", he replied, "What if I do this?"  and he dropped it on the ground and started grind it into the floor with his shoes.   He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.

"Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.  

A valuable lesson from this inspirational story is no matter what we do to the money, it will not decrease in value.  Same goes to our life.  We are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.

We feel as though as we are worthless.  But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose our value.

Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.  The worth of our life comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE.....

So, don't you ever forget - you are special!!!!

Signed off for now,

LOLA

Privacy and Secrecy between couple....

Dear Diary,

Do you think when you are in a relationship, both has the rights to privacy to do his/her necessities alone i.e. handphone, social network, etc? If privacy really exists, to what extent?

Issues of privacy or secrecy have affected almost everyone's intimate relationship, including my own. The issue may seems simple, yet in my personal experience, I know that the boundaries between privacy and secrecy can become very fuzzy. What is appropriately kept private? When does something held private become a secret? Where and when do the boundaries between privacy and secrecy blur? Why does someone hold a secret from their loved one, and how does it affect the relationship? 

The experts say that in an intimate relationship, a secret is a need, thought, feeling or action held by one partner, that if shared could negatively impart their partner and/or the relationship. On the other hand, an issue of privacy is one that concerns only the individual and does not in any way affect their partner or the relationship.

• Secrecy is destructive to a relationship and an individual's self-esteem, while privacy can create ego strength and be personally instructive. 
• Secrecy comes with guilt and fear, while privacy results in a stronger sense of self without guilt. 
• Secrecy is about control and destroys trust, while privacy does not.
• Secrets are often about additive behaviors, or old defense mechanisms, while privacy is more often about personal history, values, priorities, dreams and visions of the future.

The decision to withhold a secret, or to keep something private, is a choice reflecting our values and emotional maturity. Choosing to share a secret is a healthy and mature act, even though it may create conflict. Choosing to keep something private, is our right and privilege, however if we choose to share something personal, it has the possibility of deepening an intimacy.

Secrecy creates an illusion about what is real. If the illusion is maintained and the truth not revealed, trust will be broken. Trust is broken because tension or a state of anxiety, will be felt in the relationship leading to distrust. Trust is the foundation of all relationship. So when secrets are held - either by overt lying or by the "white lie" of omission - the relationship is undermined. Once a secret is discovered, trust is very hard to rebuild - if not impossible. As said by Sophocles " Do nothing secretly, for TIME sees and hears all things, and discloses all"........

However, respecting your partner's privacy is equal to respect as an individual. Hence, the privacy between the couple should be recognized as a civilized awareness and social upbringing. The most severe and ridiculous invasion is to demand the other person to disclose all things in the depth of their heart in the name of love. The couple who can be honored as the spiritual couple is the one who attach great important to the other’s free space in heart. For instance, they won’t ask for the disclosure of the others’ diary or personal letters.”

After reading all the articles pertaining to this issue, now I realised that the relationship between the couple is mutualism not parasitism. Namely, they aren’t the accessories of the other. Therefore, the individual in marriage should have their own space. The relationship of the couple should be built on the basis of mutual trust, mutual respect, mutual understanding, mutual communication, and mutual support. In the daily life, many couples don’t make sense of it and can’t reach consensus on the right way to communicate with the other sex, so one is just concealing things and looks mysterious, and the other one becomes inquisitive and doubtful all the time, which must result in a transformation from the normal and square relationship to a secretive one.

But then again, I strongly believe there is nothing more powerful and spiritual than a committed, honest and loving relationship.  When there are no secrets and trusts grow stronger and stronger, the intimate partners are able to support each other in their emotional and spiritual growth process.  A relationship with no secrets provides a secure foundation for both partners to face new challenges and grow together in a mutually enhancing way.

I'm just saying............................

Signed off for now,

LOLA

Never loose an opportunity....

Dear Diary,

A young man wished to marry a farmer's beautiful daughter.  Hence, he asked her father for her hand in marriage.  The farmer looked him over and said,"Son, go stand out in that field.  I'm going to release three bulls, one at a time.  If you can catch the tail of any one of the three bulls, I will allow you to marry my daughter."

The young man stood in the pasture awaiting for the first bull.  The barn door opened and out ran the biggest, meanest-looking bull he had ever seen.  It stood pawing the ground, grunting, slinging slobber as it eyed him.

He decided that one of the next bulls had to be a better choice than this one, so he ran over to the side and let the bull passed through the pasture out the back gate.

The barn door opened again.  Unbelievable! He had never seen anything so big and fierce in his life.  It stood pawing the ground, grunting, slinging slobber as it eyed him..  Whatever the next bull was like, it had to be a better choice than this one.  So, he ran to the fence and let the bull passed through the pasture, out the back gate.

The door opened the third time, a smile came across his face.  In front of him was the weakest, scrawniest little bull he had ever seen.  This one was his bull.  As the bull came running by, he positioned himself just right and jumped at the exact moment.  

He grabbed..... but the bull had no tail!!!!

Life is full of opportunities, some will be easy to take advantage of, some will be difficult....

But once we let them pass (often in hopes of something better), those opportunities may never again be available....

So, always grab the first opportunity.....

Signed off for now,

LOLA

Heart touching story.....A Second chance.....

Dear Diary,

It was their anniversary, and she was waiting for her husband to show up.  Things had changed since their marriage, the once cute couple who couldn't-live-without-each-other had turned sour and bitter.

Fighting over every little things, both didn't like the way things had changed.  Now, she was waiting to see if her husband remembered their wedding anniversary....

Just as the door bell rang, she ran to find her husband wet and smiling without anything on his hand.  And not a single word came from his mouth.  Perfect! Just perfect! He has forgotten about the anniversary again.... She just silently walked away to the kitchen with tears on her cheeks.

Suddenly, the phone in the kitchen rang and she went and picked it up.  There is a man on the other line. "Hello ma'am, I'm calling from the police station. I'm sorry ma'am, but there is an accident and a man died. We got this number from his wallet, and we need you to come and identify his body".  Her had sank and she was really devastated.  

"But my husband is here with me?"...  "Sorry ma'am, but the incident took place at 2pm, when he was boarding the train".  She was about to lose her conscience. How could this happen? She heard about the soul of the person coming to meet a love one before it leaves!

She ran into their master bedroom. He was not there.  It's true! It's really happened! He had left her for good!!  At that time, she really wished that things can be undone, that she get another chance to mend every little fight! She would do anything to get him back and tell him how much she love him and how much he meant to her..... Now she lost her chance forever.

Suddenly, there was a noise from the bathroom, the door opened and her husband came out and said "Darling, I forgot to tell you that my wallet got stolen today".....

LIFE MIGHT NOT GIVE YOU A SECOND CHANCE.... 

SO NEVER WASTE A MOMENT WHEN YOU CAN STILL MAKE UP FOR YOUR WRONGS!!!

No one is promised tomorrow.  So have a wonderful life with no regrets!

  

Signed off for now

LOLA

Unexplained Breakup?

Dear Diary,

A break-up can be hard, but an unexplained one can be ever harder.  You were left wondering what you have done, and whether it was your fault, or if there was anything you could have done to save the relationship.

It can be very hard and the worst thing is that you start thinking what went wrong, whose fault, etc, and sometimes you started blaming yourself or put sole responsibility to yourself. 

• Examine the relationship deeply for what may have gone wrong.  What make you and your partner unhappy?  What make your partner choose to break the relationship instead of trying to work things out first? 
• Maybe your partner has moved on or moving in into a new relationship. Maybe your partner has decided that enough is enough with your flirtatious attitude?
• If you partner says it's her/his fault, not yours, don't assume it is a lie.  Sometimes, it is really true.

You deserve an explanation at the very least.  So try to ask what really went wrong.  State that you should know the truth so you can learn and improve in the next relationship.  Don't use angry or accusatory language, please.  All relationships can teach you something and it is worth learning what things you should improve.  Nevertheless, if you don't get an answer, try to let it go.  It is not your fault you aren't getting an answer, just let it go as best as you can, and move on.

Don't blame yourself for what happened unless you can point to ways in which you were responsible.  You partner made the decision to mysteriously break-up.  You can only be responsible for decisions you make, not those of others. 

Hence, please avoid feeling sorry for yourself.  Try to work towards happiness again.  Many think that they won't love again, but trust me you will eventually find someone that worth your love.  So relax and let it happen in its own time.  

Just take your time and work through the pain, and you will come out on the other side, stronger and better.

Signed off for now
LOLA

Happy Monday....

Dear Diary,

Sorry for the long hiatus.  Besides being  busy with workloads, I think i have lost my words and energy to talk about anything.... Frankly, the break-up is really eating me up....

Well! Other than that, I wish you happy and fun Monday to everyone.....

Facts of life for today...........

Signed off for now,

LOLA

Can my heart finally heal?

Dear Diary,

I realized now that to heal my broken heart is harder than I thought.  It feel like being underwater when I need to breathe.  I build my live with him, someone that I trust and care for, and suddenly, in the blink of an eyes, everything is gone.  The only left is feeling sorrow, angry, heartache and questions like what am I going to do now, and what is my way forward, etc.

At the moment, all I can do is to give myself some ME time.  After being together almost 3 years, now is the time to take a step back, evaluate your life and move on to the next challenge.  "Everyone falls down, but it is how you get back up that defines you".....

I must say I still feel as though someone has ripped my heart out, stepped on it, and threw it away. And all these feeling multiply by 100.  That's how I feel right now. But people said it is normal to feel sad, and it's okay to cry or get upset.  Going through grief is just another step along the path to recovery.  So, i'm letting myself grieve.

In order to move on I need to remove all the memories of him from my everyday life.  It means, I have to remove everything that reminds me of him.  The key word is remove... not destroy.. At the same time, I think I have to disconnect my life with any social network, at least for the time being until I am completely heal.  Also, in order not to hurt my feeling further, I guess it is better not to see each other, otherwise things will go haywire.....

So, this is what I'm going to do for the time being....

Again, wish me luck!

Signed off for now

LOLA

You are forever a part of me.....eventhough you are long gone....

Dear Diary,

What's the point of even trying,
if it only ends in pain.
Why do your memories come back to haunt me
like an old unwanted stain.
Don't you ever feel,
the slightest bit of guilt?
for taking my heart 
and throwing it in the dirt

Coz your more than just a person,
that's been in my past.
Your more than just a memory,
I wish I never had.
Your like an overplayed song on the radio,
I can't get you out of my head.
You're the oxygen I need to breathe,
your forever a part of me.
I'm confused, broken, and down,
and I don't know why.
Your face is clogging up my vision,
nothing is clear at all.
Remember the times when you acted like you cared?
Yeah well neither do I,
so why is it,
that without you I'm so scared?

I just can't see what it is I'm hanging on to,
Am I such a fool, for ever putting my faith in you.
Why do you have to follow me everywhere I go?
I said I was done with you, over you, I don't belong with you.
so why is it that, these feelings are still attached?

You are forever a part of me..........
~SFL~

Signed off for now
LOLA

Why?

Dear Diary,

why would you hold my hand,
when you planned to let it go?
why would you be so sure,
and then say that you don't know?

why would you take a walk with me,
when u planned to leave half way?
why did you leave me crying
on that lonesome Thursday

Before you, I may not have had a smile
but i certainly didn't have tears
I may not have had the dreams
atleast i wasnt drowning in fears

you gradually let me fall apart
I followed u, but you dint lead
you stuck a dagger in my heart
and left me helpless to bleed

every time I closed my eyes
it was your face that I saw
so i turned my face away
from all the lies that u did draw

thinking you would change
thinking you would find your way
but all you did was hurt me until
it was time for you to walk away

by Fathima Khan

Signed off for now,

LOLA

Goodbye......

Dear Diary,

How do feel when you know you have already lost the person even before you said good-byes?

What would you do if no matter how hard you tried to hold onto it, it still slipped from your grip?

And no matter how much you love someone, you know it is time for you to let him go….

It’s not because your love has lost for each other,

And definitely not because of you have found someone else......

Maybe it is because you think it is the best for both,

Or maybe that’s the only option that you have right now,

Maybe you believe it is easier to hurt your own heart rather to hurt others…..

And maybe, just maybe,

it is easier to let go while you still have your pride, rather than waiting for something that never exist.......

I've talked about letting go and moving on for so many times and for so long but never have the courage or gut to do it.  But right now I feel that enough is enough.  

Do I love him? Yes I still do, with all my heart.  

Did I give him enough time? I believe so.   

Am I supportive enough or patient enough waiting for him to make decision?  I thought so.

Now I feel both of us should open our eyes and hearts and said 'Look, it won't happened even how hard we have tried and better stop before we start hurting more people'.......

Frankly, I am tired, really tired.... tired to think, tired to even cry....

Maybe, it's about time we start to live without each other.... at least I positively know that you can.....

I'm sorry for everything that I have done to you.... and I also forgive you for the hurts, and the lies.....

Goodbye,

I'm over and done,

So turn around and walk away,

and please don't look back ..........

coz I'll not there waiting for you anymore.....

Signed off for now,

LOLA   

Happy 100th post blog-iversary.......

Dear Diary,

Yay!!!!!! It's my 100th post!

I've been blogging since mid November 2012 and have reached my 100th post after less than 3 months, something of a small yet a significant milestone to me.  When looking back, I believe I have improved in leaps and bounds.  Let's hope there is even more improvement in the next 100 posts! 

Signed off for now,
LOLA

Stealing Credit from Others.....

Dear Diary,

I presumed some of you should have experience in dealing with your co-workers who takes credit for your work.  What is even worse when the credit stealer or this unethical person is your own boss.

In the movie mostly it ends happily ever after and the boss always ends up getting dramatically fired.  Unfortunately, in reality not all boss/co-worker credit stealing situations are resolved easily or as theatrically  as in movies.  For the victims it is a very difficult situation to deal with especially with your superior - since the balance of power is tipped in favour of the boss, since they often control the fate of subordinates via performance appraisal, work assignments and promotion opportunities.

Some people believe that if your boss takes credit for your work, you should allow them, as you as his/her subordinates should be there to support your boss, no matter what they do.  However, I believe as an ethical boss, he/she doesn't need to steal credit from his/her subordinates' they should feel confident enough in their own skill and experience to ensure they create a teamwork atmosphere and encourage and motivate their subordinates by giving credit when credit is deserved.

But accusing a colleague or boss of taking credit for your ideas may create more problems than it solves.  You have to think about the politics of dealing with it.  Furthermore, whistle-blowers don't have a very good track record in terms of surviving the experience.  On top of it, it is quite difficult to establish ownership of an idea.  It could just be that a co-worker or boss came up with the same idea on their own.  

Hence it is recommended to talk to the person in as tactfully manner as possible before pointing fingers because it is crucial for you not to poison the work relationship that you have for so long.  Indeed, making a fuss about the person who taking credit for your ideas could make you look like a bad guy, or as petty. Instead, you should portray yourself  that so confident of your own intelligent and you abilities that you are actually open to inviting other people to help your idea to grow. 

Considering all the possible negative consequences of making an issue of this matter, it is no wonder that so many people choose to ignore it and just let it go.

Now I really wish it is legal to gag someone against their will.

Signed off for now
LOLA

Love Everyone... & Be Loved...

Dear Diary,

Do you ever hate someone so much? If yes, this a nice story for you about forgive and forget..... to love and be loved.....

A kindergarten teacher decided to let her class play a game. 

The teacher told each child in the class to bring along a plastic bag containing a few potatoes. 

Each potato will be given a name of a person that the child hates. 

So the number of potatoes that a child will put in his/her plastic bag will depend on the number of people he/she hates. 

So when the day came, each child brought some potatoes with the name of the people he/she hated. Some had 2 potatoes; some 3 while some up to 5 potatoes. The teacher then told the children to carry with them the potatoes in the plastic bag wherever they go (even to the toilet) for 1 week.

Days after days passed by, and the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell let out by the rotten potatoes. Besides, those having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags. After 1 week, the children were relieved because the game had finally ended...

The teacher asked: "How did you feel while carrying the potatoes with you for 1 week?". The children let out their frustrations and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they go.

Then the teacher told them the hidden meaning behind the game. The teacher said: "This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred for somebody inside your heart. The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it with you wherever you go. If you cannot tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just 1 week, can you imagine what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for your lifetime???"

Moral of the story:

THROW AWAY ANY HATRED FOR ANYONE FROM YOUR HEART SO THAT YOU WILL NOT CARRY SINS FOR A LIFETIME.... AND FORGIVING OTHERS IS THE BEST ATTITUDE TO TAKE!

Signed off for now,

LOLA

 

To give.... or to receive....

Dear Diary,

This story has taught me a lesson which I will never forget.  It is so much great to give than to receive!

A young man, a student in one of our universities, was one day taking a walk with a professor, who was commonly called the students' friend, from his kindness to those who waited on his instructions. As they went along, they saw lying in the path a pair of old shoes, which they supposed to belong to a poor man who was employed in a field close by, and who had nearly finished his day's work.

The student turned to the professor, saying: "Let us play the man a trick: we will hide his shoes, and conceal ourselves behind those bushes, and wait to see his perplexity when he cannot find them."

"My young friend," answered the professor, "we should never amuse ourselves at the expense of the poor. But you are rich, and may give yourself a much greater pleasure by means of the poor man. Put a coin into each shoe, and then we will hide ourselves and watch how the discovery affects him."

The student did so, and they both placed themselves behind the bushes close by. The poor man soon finished his work, and came across the field to the path where he had left his coat and shoes. While putting on his coat he slipped his foot into one of his shoes; but feeling something hard, he stooped down to feel what it was, and found the coin.

Astonishment and wonder were seen upon his countenance. He gazed upon the coin, turned it round, and looked at it again and again. He then  looked around him on all sides, but no person was to be seen. He now put the money into his pocket, and proceeded to put on the other shoe; but his surprise was doubled on finding the other coin. His feelings  overcame him; he fell upon his knees, looked up to heaven and uttered aloud a fervent thanksgiving, in which he spoke of his wife, sick and helpless, and his children without bread, whom the timely bounty, from

some unknown hand, would save from perishing.

The student stood there deeply affected, and his eyes filled with tears.  "Now," said the professor, "are you not much better pleased than if you had played your intended trick?"

The youth replied, "You have taught me a lesson which I will never forget. I feel now the truth of those words, which I never understood before: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'"

So now... let's do our part and make the world an even better place to live in!!!!

Signed off for now,

LOLA

Accept him as he is........

Dear Diary,

This heart touching story about to accept someone as who they are.... especially your loved ones.....

A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco.

"Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me.

"Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him."

"There's something you should know," the son continued, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us."

"I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live."

"No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us."

"Son," said the father, "you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own."

At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide. 

The grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't know, their son had only one arm and one leg. 

The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are.

Thankfully, there's someone who won't treat us that way. Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family, regardless of how messed up we are. 

Tonight, before you tuck yourself in for the night, say a little prayer that Allah swt will give you the strength you need to accept people as they are, and to help us all be more understanding of those who are different from us!!! There's a miracle called Friendship That dwells in the heart You don't know how it happens Or when it gets started But you know the special lift It always brings. And you realize that Friendship Is Allah most precious gift! 

Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us. Show your friends how much you care....

Signed off for now

LOLA

Points to ponder....

Dear Diary,

Just saying......

Wouldn't you agree? ;-D

Signed off for now

LOLA

Common mistakes to avoid with Young Adult.....

Dear Diary,

I must say it is a daunting task for me to raise a healthy and well balance kids all on my own.  It is even more challenging for me to juggle between a mother and a career woman.  Now both of them has grown up and now become young adult.  

There is one article from Imonk that caught my attention about common mistakes that we should avoid in dealing with young adult children.  These are some of the mistakes to avoid with them:

• Assuming they don't want to hear that they are loved.  I always reminded my ex to at least call or message them whenever there is good happened in their life, i.e. won the games, obtained good mark in exam, etc.  I think no one is as mature and beyond the need for affection as they appear to be.  There are some hard cases, but most of us are never too old to treasure those people who tell us they love us.  Hence, every conversation i have with my children, I always end it with the love word.

• Assuming they no longer appreciate a hug.  It might be a small thing, but there is something primal about it.  Ditto from above.  I will make sure I will always hug them or at least touch or hold their hand whenever I can.  

• Assuming all they want is money and material possessions.  Such an easy mistake for us to make because that it is such an obvious and frequent place to hear the words "I need...", and so much conspired to tell us this is what "love" means in our culture.  It is just so wrong! wrong! wrong!

• Criticizing them for cultural difference between our generation and theirs.  Lay off the clothes, video games, music, movies and so on (as long they don't cross the line.  Tattoos or equivalent to it is a big NO).  What they need is a solid example of true joy, simple pleasures, genuine spirituality and the ability to see beyond the cultural distractions to the important places in a relationship.

• Not asking questions in the right way, in the right spirit, in the right intention, or with the right attitude.  Be gentle.  Intensity needs to be in the service of compassion.  Don't harbor the illusion that it is OK to throw your frustration and fears onto your children when we are commanded to cast them on HIM.

• Failing to remember what it is like to be a young adult, especially in the ares of insecurities, emotional wounding and feelings of insecurity.  It wasn't a picnic, and there were times when we were all so afraid we weren't going to get anything right.  And for many of us, there was a particular fear that our parents would be especially disapproving of any of our failures.

•  Forgetting how much failure is a part of growing and acquiring wisdom.  When our children fail, we should be their most certain supporters, not their judges.

• Forgetting that no matter how much a person has said they want to be an adult, when you get there it is not at all what you expected it would be.  Keep it real.  I think it is the job of a parent to help their young adult child to always keep a realistic view of what it does and doesn't mean to be an adult.  Believe it or not, most of them consider us to be the best model for what it means to be a grown-up.

• Sometimes it is very hard to be away from home, to be on you own and to be convinced you will never find someone to love you.  We lose track of the emptiness and loneliness.  We buy the idea that it is great to be a young adult, but there are so many moments when things are hard and confusing.  Don't forget those moments when life seemed completely overwhelming and what it means that mom and dad took some small opportunity to acknowledge that with kindness.

• Contemporary culture has made the addictive sins of young adults a high priority.  We should have great compassion on those who are caught in them.  I think it is really time to get past being shocked and start being constructively helpful.  We all have a sin problem.  Sometimes it is obvious, sometimes not.  But the person who is in the ditch isn't very different from those of us who aren't.

Signed off for now

LOLA

Dealing with young adult children.......

Dear Diary,

Currently I am at the stage where I have my own young adult children (17 and 20, to be exact). People who close to me told their advice for getting along well with my children - after they are grown.

And just about everyone had exactly one piece of advice: When in doubt, don't interfere with them.  When they are gone, let them go.

The main advice to maintain good relationship with your young adult is to give them their own life.  Let them make their own decision and don't demand to much on them.  Don't ask to much of them, just be there for them when they need you.  Try to laugh with them.  And certainly you can give advice but don't ever tell them what to do. Because I think your guess is as good as theirs.

I always bared it in mind, it is their life and it's not my life.  I  lived my  life the way I wanted to.  I believes in the non'interference' principle, unless they are the one who come to me for advice.  As I say, they all have their own way to do things and if they get in trouble and they want some help, they will come to me.  That's all.

I have taken this advice to heart.  I must say that it is hard for me not to give advice, but I have learned to wait until my kids ask!

Signed off for now

LOLA

The third person......... Are you?

Dear Diary,

Have you been in a situation when someone who you are involved with was the one actively pursuing?  Or what about if you are the one who become the third person in a relationship?

Sometimes you may not be the homewrecker yourself at all, but it sort of ended up being in that position.  More than often, sometimes you may not even find out about it at all until much later.

This position stands on even trickier and murkier moral ground because in some circumstances it is hard to say if you should feel guilty about being that third person.  Most of the reasons I found why this situation occurred due to :

• Perhaps there is tension in a primary relationship.
• Perhaps there is a disagreement.
• Perhaps a partner feels a basic need is not getting met.

As much as we perceiving that third person as a threat to the primary relationship, in other angle we can look it as an attempt to stabilize the primary relationship.  Well, how might this appear to work, you must wonder?

•  The new relationship provides attention, flattery, other positive feelings;
• It creates a distraction from the problems and frustrations of the primary relationship;
• It seems to meet the unfulfilled needs and solve the problem.

 However, on the lowlights:

1. With this love triangle, it might decrease overall intimacy;
2. While there is more time invested in relationship maintenance, more effort has to be invested in juggling the logistics of the triangle, hence there is actually less deep connection between any of the players;
3. This actually relieves anxiety, by creating emotional distance between all parties involved;
4. Secrecy, jealousy, intrigue... these provide exciting distraction from the issues in the issues in the primary relationship. 

Hence, the third person may have been selected, not as a threat to the primary relationship, but exactly because she is not a threat!  She may be intended as a counter-balance----- a stabilizer.

Don't many 'extra-marital affairs' and 'emotional affairs' actually have this purpose?  Not to break up the primary relationship, but to supplement it?  To fill for what it is lacking, or to take what feels like destructive pressure off?

Then again;

A third person never creates a misunderstanding between two people;

But  a misunderstanding between two people create space for a third person...........

Signed off for now,

LOLA

TGIF.......

Dear Diary,

I'm really looking forward for this weekend. It was a long, demanding, exhaustive weekdays at work and  I just want to chill out for awhile.

Maybe I will stay at home.....

Or, go for retail therapy?

Or better still, go for a date.  Poor him, I have been neglecting him lately....

But, for now I just wanna do some works.........................if anything, see me at my cubicle....

Signed off for now

LOLA

I love you too.....ADIK

Dear Diary,

I was searching for some personal documents in the storeroom at home, when I found two letters received from my younger son, Awan.  The letters were sent when he started his military boarding school a year ago.  

Assalammualaikum ibu,

Tujuan adik tulis surat ini sebab nak luahkan perasaan adik sebelum nak duduki peperiksaan pertengahan tahun dua minggu lagi.  Sebenarnya, adik sukar untuk menyatakan betapa sayangnya adik kat ibu depan-depan.  Adik tak tahu kenapa, tapi dari kecil adik macam tu, Walaupun begitu, adik cukup sayang kat ibu.  Adik banyak melawan cakap ibu, asyik terlupa benda penting, hilang benda penting.  Adik nak sangat memohon maaf kat ibu depan-depan, tapi adik terlalu malu nak minta maaf kat ibu.  Dan adik minta maaf jika adik tak minta maaf selepas buat ibu marah.  Ibu tolong doakan adik berjaya dapat keputusan cemerlang iaitu "Straight A+" dalam peperiksaan yang terdekat dan dalam setiap peperiksaan yang adik duduki.  Kepada abang pula, adik nak minta maaf jika adik ada melawan cakap abang, tak dengar cakap abang, buat abang marah.

Akhir kata, adik ingin memohon ampun kepada ibu dan abang atas segala silap dan salah yang adik buat.  Dan boleh tak ibu cari buku rujukan SPM abang atau nota abang yang lama dan tolong hantar kat sini.  Selamat Hari Ibu. 

Dengan kasih,
AZWAN


And this is the poem that he dedicated to me,

IBU...........
She used to be my only enemy and never let me free,
Catching me in places that I know I shouldn't be,
Every other day I cross the line, I didn't mean to be so bad,
I never thought you would become the friend I never had...

Back then I didn't know why,
Why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
All that you did was love...

Ibu...I love you, Ibu... I care, 
Ibu... I love you, Ibu... my friend
You are my friend

I didn't want to hear it then,
But I'm not ashamed to say it now,
Every little thing you say and did was right for me,
I had a lot of time to think about,
About the way I used to be,
Never had a sense of more responsibility...

But now I sure I know why,
Why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
All I can give you is love......

From your mischieveous,
AZWAN 13.6.2012

Awwwww.... Isn't he so sweet?


Signed off for now,
LOLA